Bad Fan Fiction

"I did ask her out, but she never returned my calls," kata J di sebuah talk show terkenal.

Si host bengong, tidak menyangka mendapat jawaban yang terlalu jujur dari actress seterkenal J.

"Maybe you can invite her to your show. Then I can sneak in and ask her myself."

Media dihebohkan dengan pengakuan cinta J pada R di TV nasional. Terganggu, R akhirnya mau juga datang ke acara talk show itu.

"You are aware that J is hiding behind and will pop up anytime soon to ambush you with the question."

"Yes. I think I need to come and put all this to rest. It is getting uncomfortable."

J pun muncul dari backstage disambut tatapan dingin R.

"I think you are very beautiful and any man or woman will be lucky to be your object of affection. Not me. I am in a steady relationship and I am not looking for a quick sensation."

"You cannot say that what happened between us was nothing."

"Whatever that was, it is gone now. I do not enjoy love as a circus on national television," jawabnya dingin.

J tenggelam dalam patah hati berkepanjangan. Untungnya dia ditawari peran dalam sebuah film patah hati. Tahun itu J dan R bersaing mendapatkan best actress Oscar.

J menang.

"Playing a brokenhearted girl when you are broken hearted is really not acting. I think you gave me the Oscar just cause you wanna hear what I will be saying here," kata J sambil tertawa riang disambut tawa seluruh hadirin.

Kamera cut ke close up R yang tetap dingin sementara sekitarnya senyum-senyum kepo.

"To the girl that broke my heart... I just wanna say... I love you," kata J.

R dan J tidak pernah terlihat bersama setelah itu. Hanya para  paparazzi kepo,  fans ngarep, dan produser mencium duit yang selalu berusaha untuk mempertemukan mereka.

Sampai 4 tahun kemudian, R dan J tampil bersama di acara talk show yang sama.

"I did not trust J. She is very young, impulsive and so excited for life. I was scared I was just another exciting moment for her that doesn't last that long. It is already four years now and I still fear that I am just a moment for her..."

J duduk di sampingnya, tetap tersenyum lebar penuh kemenangan.

"She's saying she's my girlfriend," kata J sambil tersenyum lebar, tidak sedikit pun terpengaruh insecurity R.

"So the Oscar speech really works?" tanya si host takjub.

J hanya mengangguk-angguk senang. R tetap ingin menjelaskan.

"Well, it did make me want to have a leap of faith to give this feeling a chance. But we still don't know what will happen in the future. She might get bored of me and  find another object that interest her more. Or I might get tired of feeling overwhelmed like this all the time and settle for a more peaceful life..."

"Then I will just have to win myself another Oscar to get you back," jawab J santai, membuat muka R merah padam.

Two American swethearts in love.

Saat tahun itu J dan R dinominasikan Best Actress Oscar lagi,  giliran R yang menang.

"I have a feeling you all voted for me just to hear what I am gonna say. So I made myself a long list cause I know I won't be cut off," kata R playful.

Kamera cut  ke close up J yang tersenyum bangga, tidak peduli dia baru saja kalah.

R mengeluarkan sebuah kertas panjang sampai ke lantai. R mulai membaca tanpa dipotong bunyi-bunyian pengusir.

"And last..."

R diam sebentar. Tetap tidak ada bunyi-bunyian pengusir.

"To the girl whose heart I broke... and then steal my heart away on this very stage..."

Hadirin menahan napas menanti I Love You Too.

"SUCK IT," teriak R sambil mengangkat tinggi-tinggi pialanya.

J tertawa terbahak-bahak.

R dibawa ke belakang panggung, ke tempat press conference para pemenang.  Acara dilanjutkan dengan hadirin gelisah menanti kepulangan R ke tempat duduknya.

Neil Patrick Haris terpaksa menghentikan acara sebentar ketika mata semua hadirin malah berpaling ke belakang, kepo menatap R yang menghampiri J. 

J langsung berdiri dan mencium R dalam. Lama...

"Well, ladies... That's what you get if you tell someone to suck it," katanya.

"Now can we please go back to The Oscars? We still have some Oscars to give away... anyone?"

J dan R berhenti ciuman cuma biar acara ini cepetan selesai dan mereka bisa cepat-cepat pulang. Ciuman lagi.

Nah abis ini gue gak tahu deh mengakhirinya gimana. Tapi harus tetap di panggung. I love the love story announced to the world.

Mungkin bagusnya R  dibikin mati biar ada scene dramatis romantis J menangisi R di panggung yang sama.

Hahahaha... what a bad fan fiction. Tapi gue ulang2 terus di kepala sepanjang nyetir Jakarta - Bandung.

Memang gue harus nulis film cinta.