I woke up and write you a song
Song that glorify your name
My pride keeps telling me
How great I'll make you be
But then I just sing nothing
Write songs that sound like something
But then you just keep smiling
Cause all you want is nothing
From me
Cause you are great
And you love me
There is nothing I can do
There is nothing I don't do
To make it less
I was thinking to myself
Of ways glorifying your name
But all I glorify is myself
I was weeping and I was torn
Thinking of unworthy I am
But then you smile and say
It's okay
Cause you are great
And you love me
There is nothing I can do
There is nothing I don't do
To make it less
Senin, 27 Februari 2012
Sabtu, 25 Februari 2012
emotionally constipated
Apakah kehidupanmu hancur?
Ada yang memulihkan kehidupan.
www.TerangHidup.com
Too much book.
Too much movie.
Too much religion.
Too much voice.
Too much song.
Too much teranghidup.com
Too much people telling me how I feel, somehow it is hard to know what I really feel. Even harder to explain it in words.
I need the silence where I can hear your voice. The voice that never tells me what to do.
The voice that never tells me how to love how to act and how to be anything.
The voice that brings a smile to my face and brighten the skin without mercury.
The voice that makes every perih di hati worth having.
So what do you have to tell me today other than I love you?
And you keep silent cause there is no words needed.
Just feel the rain on your skin.
Ada yang memulihkan kehidupan.
www.TerangHidup.com
Too much book.
Too much movie.
Too much religion.
Too much voice.
Too much song.
Too much teranghidup.com
Too much people telling me how I feel, somehow it is hard to know what I really feel. Even harder to explain it in words.
I need the silence where I can hear your voice. The voice that never tells me what to do.
The voice that never tells me how to love how to act and how to be anything.
The voice that brings a smile to my face and brighten the skin without mercury.
The voice that makes every perih di hati worth having.
So what do you have to tell me today other than I love you?
And you keep silent cause there is no words needed.
Just feel the rain on your skin.
yesus dan yasmin ahmad
The problem with Jesus, Yasmin Ahmad, and all the coolest people on earth is they only start writing (or written) when they are great and adorable.
What happened to you when you were 27 ? Have you ever thought of killing yourself?
Have you had drugs?
Have you ever been in love?
Have you hated anyone?
Have you lied about your truest feeling?
Did you curse God?
Have you always been so cool?
Are you gay?
But they are just there, showing us the perfect path they chose. Died peacefully in the height of their true calling. No one knows what happened before.
All we have is the Davids, and the Jonahs, the Salomons, the Steve Jobs, and all the fucked ups that screwed up their life and still loved and blessed. Fuck Batsheba, weep emotionally, yet fuck 4000 something others afterwards.
yet blessed and loved.
not by your children, though.
am i not humble enough to know your way? after all this, how come i still have the pride not to go your way?
but you told me you want it my way. my way is your way. you and your beautiful blessing of free choice remind me more of how much a jerk i am.
yet blessed and loved.
yet blessed and loved.
I don't wanna love like david.
What happened to you when you were 27 ? Have you ever thought of killing yourself?
Have you had drugs?
Have you ever been in love?
Have you hated anyone?
Have you lied about your truest feeling?
Did you curse God?
Have you always been so cool?
Are you gay?
But they are just there, showing us the perfect path they chose. Died peacefully in the height of their true calling. No one knows what happened before.
All we have is the Davids, and the Jonahs, the Salomons, the Steve Jobs, and all the fucked ups that screwed up their life and still loved and blessed. Fuck Batsheba, weep emotionally, yet fuck 4000 something others afterwards.
yet blessed and loved.
not by your children, though.
am i not humble enough to know your way? after all this, how come i still have the pride not to go your way?
but you told me you want it my way. my way is your way. you and your beautiful blessing of free choice remind me more of how much a jerk i am.
yet blessed and loved.
yet blessed and loved.
I don't wanna love like david.
remuk
tuhan ambil mimpiku
tolak semua inginku
tuhan hempas anganku
patahkan seluruh hasratku
tuhan hancur diriku
bentuk sesuai inginmu
tapi jangan tinggalkan aku...
dalam putus asaku
kukan puji namamu
dalam kesesakanku
kubermazmur bagimu
tuhan basuh hatiku
dengan air mataku
tapi jangan tinggalkan aku
tolong jangan tinggalkan aku
tuhan jangan tinggalkan aku
(untuk hati yang remuk redam dan lelah menangis)
tolak semua inginku
tuhan hempas anganku
patahkan seluruh hasratku
tuhan hancur diriku
bentuk sesuai inginmu
tapi jangan tinggalkan aku...
dalam putus asaku
kukan puji namamu
dalam kesesakanku
kubermazmur bagimu
tuhan basuh hatiku
dengan air mataku
tapi jangan tinggalkan aku
tolong jangan tinggalkan aku
tuhan jangan tinggalkan aku
(untuk hati yang remuk redam dan lelah menangis)
Senin, 06 Februari 2012
Demi Apa?
"Kok judulnya 'Demi Ucok' sih mbak? Kan ini film Bandung," sms salah satu pendengar salah satu radio ternama di Bandung.
"Kita kan bukan Bandung, kita Indonesia, bla bla bla," jawab gue setelah terlatih berbulan-bulan roadshow cin(T)a.
Berbeda-beda tetapi satu jua, cyin.
But now it keeps me thinking about the title. Kenapa judulnya Demi Ucok ?
Judul 'Demi Ucok' ini udah ada sejak 2006, di saat Kak Ria ulang tahun dan gue gak tau mau ngasih kado apa_since she has everything_jadi gue gambarin aja sebuah poster film bersutradara gue_since all I could is daydreaming_ jadilah sebuah poster film khayalan berjudul Demi Ucok.
It seemed like a perfect title for a movie. Dan tetap gue pake walaupun ceritanya tak ada yang bernama Ucok.
Karena Bang Ucok senang. Karena Kak Ria senang.
"Ucok ini adalah menantu impian Mak Gondut, sebuah keadaaan utopia di mana semua berjalan sesuai kata orang tua, dan anak gak punya ambisi lain selain menyenangkan orang tua," jawab gue diplomatis, berusaha menyambungkan Ucok dengan lagu tema trailer yang berjudul Utopia.
"Jago deh mbak ngelesnya. Harusnya jadi penyiar."
Yeah. Harusnya gue jadi penyiar. Bukan sutradara. I speak better than the real me.
Sekarang di saat Bang Ucok males namanya dipakai di judul film, Kak Ria merasa ini bukan tentang dia, film ini gak ada Batak-Bataknya, dan gak mungkin dipromokan lewat gereja karena ada adegan nikah beda agama dan lesbian hamil_ gue jadi bertanya kenapa film ini tetap harus tayang.
Kenapa gue masih percaya kalau film ini bakal ada yang nonton?
Or even worse. Gak cuma nonton. Gue percaya ada 10 ribu orang yang akan rela memberi 100 ribu dan menempelkan namanya di poster Demi Ucok. Kalau cuma untuk datang ke bioskop dan menonton sih gue cukup pede dengan film ini. Tapi untuk membayar dan naroh nama?
Why in the world would anyone do that?
Demi apa ?
Demi elo?
Elo tuh perusak rumah tangga orang, penyebab temen lo dapet E karena ngasih contekan ama lo, tukang ngerokok di musholla sekolah, pemalas yang gak pernah naik angkot, why would anyone spare their 100.000 for you?
Demi apa?
Demi film Indonesia?
Aiyhhhhhhh. Indonesia masih butuh makan, kok malah bikin film..
"Kita butuh harapan, gak butuh makan," says Niki, the pregnant lesbian character wisely. Sambil makan ayam.
Demi eksis?
Please deh. We have all the facebook and the twitter. Why would we need more programs consuming our time from reality?
Saat ini gue nggak tahu kenapa orang harus dukung film ini. bahkan gue gak tahu kenapa gue masih harus mempromosikan film ini. Apa lagi yang gue tawarkan selain hati? Dan hati, gue gak punya lagi.
Tapi gue masih dikasih kaki dan mata, jadi belum saatnya berhenti.
Demi kian.
"Kita kan bukan Bandung, kita Indonesia, bla bla bla," jawab gue setelah terlatih berbulan-bulan roadshow cin(T)a.
Berbeda-beda tetapi satu jua, cyin.
But now it keeps me thinking about the title. Kenapa judulnya Demi Ucok ?
Judul 'Demi Ucok' ini udah ada sejak 2006, di saat Kak Ria ulang tahun dan gue gak tau mau ngasih kado apa_since she has everything_jadi gue gambarin aja sebuah poster film bersutradara gue_since all I could is daydreaming_ jadilah sebuah poster film khayalan berjudul Demi Ucok.
It seemed like a perfect title for a movie. Dan tetap gue pake walaupun ceritanya tak ada yang bernama Ucok.
Karena Bang Ucok senang. Karena Kak Ria senang.
"Ucok ini adalah menantu impian Mak Gondut, sebuah keadaaan utopia di mana semua berjalan sesuai kata orang tua, dan anak gak punya ambisi lain selain menyenangkan orang tua," jawab gue diplomatis, berusaha menyambungkan Ucok dengan lagu tema trailer yang berjudul Utopia.
"Jago deh mbak ngelesnya. Harusnya jadi penyiar."
Yeah. Harusnya gue jadi penyiar. Bukan sutradara. I speak better than the real me.
Sekarang di saat Bang Ucok males namanya dipakai di judul film, Kak Ria merasa ini bukan tentang dia, film ini gak ada Batak-Bataknya, dan gak mungkin dipromokan lewat gereja karena ada adegan nikah beda agama dan lesbian hamil_ gue jadi bertanya kenapa film ini tetap harus tayang.
Kenapa gue masih percaya kalau film ini bakal ada yang nonton?
Or even worse. Gak cuma nonton. Gue percaya ada 10 ribu orang yang akan rela memberi 100 ribu dan menempelkan namanya di poster Demi Ucok. Kalau cuma untuk datang ke bioskop dan menonton sih gue cukup pede dengan film ini. Tapi untuk membayar dan naroh nama?
Why in the world would anyone do that?
Demi apa ?
Demi elo?
Elo tuh perusak rumah tangga orang, penyebab temen lo dapet E karena ngasih contekan ama lo, tukang ngerokok di musholla sekolah, pemalas yang gak pernah naik angkot, why would anyone spare their 100.000 for you?
Demi apa?
Demi film Indonesia?
Aiyhhhhhhh. Indonesia masih butuh makan, kok malah bikin film..
"Kita butuh harapan, gak butuh makan," says Niki, the pregnant lesbian character wisely. Sambil makan ayam.
Demi eksis?
Please deh. We have all the facebook and the twitter. Why would we need more programs consuming our time from reality?
Saat ini gue nggak tahu kenapa orang harus dukung film ini. bahkan gue gak tahu kenapa gue masih harus mempromosikan film ini. Apa lagi yang gue tawarkan selain hati? Dan hati, gue gak punya lagi.
Tapi gue masih dikasih kaki dan mata, jadi belum saatnya berhenti.
Demi kian.
Jumat, 03 Februari 2012
Tujuh Ciuman Mematikan
From fish kiss to dragon kiss – this is where people of all ages and genders who want to learn how to kiss can find out (almost) everything about the no-no’s of the face fuck. Two willing and able male trainees demonstrate the first seven deadly kisses for any relationship …
Setelah gagal menyutradarai adegan ciuman di film perdananya, cin(T)a, sutradara Sammaria Simanjuntak kembali mencoba membuat film yang isinya ciuman dari awal sampai akhir. Film ini hanya akan beredar di luar Indonesia karena Sammaria Simanjuntak merasa orang Indonesia sudah jago-jago ciuman dan gak perlu diajari lagi.
Untuk yang ingin belajar jenis-jenis ciuman yang membuat wanita hilang gairah, silakan datang ke Berlinale Film Festival di hari Valentine ini.
lin ma pau
Mak Gondut fitting baju maung, kali ini karakternya lebih seksi. No more ibu rumah tangga 'demi ucok'. Mak Gondut siap bertransformasi jadi mantan Bond Girl dengan dada tumpah ruah yang siap menyilaukan para produser hongkong.
"kayanya kurang bh di luar.cobain tambahin deh. pake punya gue aja" sabda sutradara.
Kekecilan.
"Ya udah pinjem punya atid aja deh. kan gede tuh."
Gak ada yang bermotif.
"Apaaa? Atid gak punya BH bermotif? !?!#? Pokonya di hongkong kita harus ke la perla," sabda sutradara.
Tapi mak gondut tentunya punya. lengkap dengan motif macan dan mutiara. Siap eksis di sebelah Gong Li.
"Nama Mak Gondut jadi Lin Ma Pau aja... biar menjual di hongkong."
Gong Li, watch out. Lin Ma Pau is stealing the show.
Kamis, 02 Februari 2012
capek mengeluh
jadi mau sampai kapan lo mau kaya gini?
sampai lo tua and gak laku-laku? waktu gak bakal nunggu lo, sayang. Banyak yang lain yang dengan senang hati jadi lo.
Lo gak bosen ya nyanyi lagu mendayu-dayu? Minjem lirik orang buat bilang sayang? Bahkan lo gak bikin lirik lo sendiri. Katanya mau jadi penulis?
Lo gak capek mengeluh? Berasa masalah lo paling berat sedunia? Lo tau buruh2 demo di jalan tol buat apa? dua ratus ribu , neng.
Katanya lo orang pintar dengan otak bersinar. mana? mana? emang cuma butuh semangat, bukan pintar.
ini saatnya perang, biar setan dibungkam.
hari ini, bahagialah dengan jatah yang udah diberikan buat lo. paling besok semua kiamat. gak ada yang peduli lo mau jadi apa.
tenang. gak usah ngotot. lo ga akan menang juga. ujung-ujungnya semua debu.
but you know what?
Somehow it's enough.
sampai lo tua and gak laku-laku? waktu gak bakal nunggu lo, sayang. Banyak yang lain yang dengan senang hati jadi lo.
Lo gak bosen ya nyanyi lagu mendayu-dayu? Minjem lirik orang buat bilang sayang? Bahkan lo gak bikin lirik lo sendiri. Katanya mau jadi penulis?
Lo gak capek mengeluh? Berasa masalah lo paling berat sedunia? Lo tau buruh2 demo di jalan tol buat apa? dua ratus ribu , neng.
Katanya lo orang pintar dengan otak bersinar. mana? mana? emang cuma butuh semangat, bukan pintar.
ini saatnya perang, biar setan dibungkam.
hari ini, bahagialah dengan jatah yang udah diberikan buat lo. paling besok semua kiamat. gak ada yang peduli lo mau jadi apa.
tenang. gak usah ngotot. lo ga akan menang juga. ujung-ujungnya semua debu.
but you know what?
Somehow it's enough.
boringly ever after
get married, forget your dream, and live boringly ever after.
"Jadi menurut lo hidup papi mami lo boring? kakak lo boring? gue boring?"
Ini kan film komedi. kok jadi berat gini sih?
"Kelihatannya ringan, tapi sebenernya film ini dalem banget. Ini tuh masalah kita banget. kawin atau ngejar mimpi."
Yang dipersatukan Tuhan bisa dipisahkan Pengadilan Negeri. Kenapa kita harus kawin?
"Dia bukan buat lo. Kalaupun dia cerai, dia gak boleh nikah lagi ama lo."
Nikah itu pilihan, tauk. Siapa bilang harus?
"Gue lihat sih yang udah nikah emang bisa lebih dipegang n lebih fokus, lebih tahu tujuan hidupnya."
Mami bukannya jadi artis, malah kawin. Cari aman. Gue mau ngejar mimpi.
"Nikah itu ya salah satu cara generasi orang tua kita untuk make sure anaknya survive."
Get married. Live for others. And live happily ever after.
"Gimana lo mau bikin orang lain bahagia kalau lo sendiri gak bahagia?"
Cuma ada dua alasan orang dalam hidup. Takut atau cinta. Kalau takut udah pasti salah jalan.
"Gue cinta ama lo, Tid."
Gue takut.
"Gue takut."
Tinggal pun kau masih sama mami.
"Udah gendut, gembel pula. Paling ntar lo phone banking ama gue."
The key to success is: be nice to your parent.
"Be careful what you write. It will come back to haunt you."
"Jadi menurut lo hidup papi mami lo boring? kakak lo boring? gue boring?"
Ini kan film komedi. kok jadi berat gini sih?
"Kelihatannya ringan, tapi sebenernya film ini dalem banget. Ini tuh masalah kita banget. kawin atau ngejar mimpi."
Yang dipersatukan Tuhan bisa dipisahkan Pengadilan Negeri. Kenapa kita harus kawin?
"Dia bukan buat lo. Kalaupun dia cerai, dia gak boleh nikah lagi ama lo."
Nikah itu pilihan, tauk. Siapa bilang harus?
"Gue lihat sih yang udah nikah emang bisa lebih dipegang n lebih fokus, lebih tahu tujuan hidupnya."
Mami bukannya jadi artis, malah kawin. Cari aman. Gue mau ngejar mimpi.
"Nikah itu ya salah satu cara generasi orang tua kita untuk make sure anaknya survive."
Get married. Live for others. And live happily ever after.
"Gimana lo mau bikin orang lain bahagia kalau lo sendiri gak bahagia?"
Cuma ada dua alasan orang dalam hidup. Takut atau cinta. Kalau takut udah pasti salah jalan.
"Gue cinta ama lo, Tid."
Gue takut.
"Gue takut."
Tinggal pun kau masih sama mami.
"Udah gendut, gembel pula. Paling ntar lo phone banking ama gue."
The key to success is: be nice to your parent.
"Be careful what you write. It will come back to haunt you."
tears
I start a day with tears.
"Gue suka banget Demi Ucok. Jujur kalau cin(T)a sih menurut gue kurang, tapi yang ini suka banget. kaya nonton orang pinter tapi dengan cara yang bodoh."
"Itu kita simpen jadi plan z aja ya tid. Tenang aja ya tid. Gue yakin kita pasti dapet 10ribu coPro."
"Gak usah ke surya paloh deh. Kita pasti bisa kok, pelan-pelan."
"Sinopsis kita kecanggihan sih. Gue mah kalo ditanya bilang aja ini film ttg anak dipaksa kawin tapi gak mau karena mau ngejar mimpi. eh temen gue langsung 'ihhhh gue banget' semua"
"Mak Gondut tuh magnet banget tid. kok lo gak pernah explore dia sih?"
"Karena gue suka filmnya, Tid. Gue gak ngerasa kaya MLM kok."
I thought I was strong. Dan Demi Ucok bisa jalan karena gue. Gue dan kemauan keras gue yang menggerakkan ini semua. The whole universe is conspiring to help me.
I was wrong.
When I am weak and disgusting, they are all still going strong.
And stronger...
And wiser.
So I end today with tears.
A different kind of tears.
"Gue suka banget Demi Ucok. Jujur kalau cin(T)a sih menurut gue kurang, tapi yang ini suka banget. kaya nonton orang pinter tapi dengan cara yang bodoh."
"Itu kita simpen jadi plan z aja ya tid. Tenang aja ya tid. Gue yakin kita pasti dapet 10ribu coPro."
"Gak usah ke surya paloh deh. Kita pasti bisa kok, pelan-pelan."
"Sinopsis kita kecanggihan sih. Gue mah kalo ditanya bilang aja ini film ttg anak dipaksa kawin tapi gak mau karena mau ngejar mimpi. eh temen gue langsung 'ihhhh gue banget' semua"
"Mak Gondut tuh magnet banget tid. kok lo gak pernah explore dia sih?"
"Karena gue suka filmnya, Tid. Gue gak ngerasa kaya MLM kok."
I thought I was strong. Dan Demi Ucok bisa jalan karena gue. Gue dan kemauan keras gue yang menggerakkan ini semua. The whole universe is conspiring to help me.
I was wrong.
When I am weak and disgusting, they are all still going strong.
And stronger...
And wiser.
So I end today with tears.
A different kind of tears.
Rabu, 01 Februari 2012
back home
i'm back.
broken yet stronger.
defeated yet grateful.
how do you sell a movie when you feel unworthy?
moviemaking is like selling your soul. when you have nothing to offer but guilt and a bit of last breath, how are u gonna stand up to people and tell them to come?
it's not about you, honey.
what?
it's not about you. so stand up and cut the nonsense. you have a movie to finish.
but it is about me. who would ever want to see me?
it's not you. it's themselves they will see.
still i feel unworthy.
you are.
then why would they see the movie?
because it's not about you. it's about us. our fear. our love. our loss. our dream.
I still feel unworthy. I'm broken.
but you are still alive, with your hand and feet. now stand up and type.
what should i type?
anything but this unworthy shit.
promise me it won't be about me?
it's not about you.
i love you.
yeah yeah yeah.... now shut up and type. no drama for february. we have a lot of things to do.
i love you.
*sigh... i love you more.
broken yet stronger.
defeated yet grateful.
how do you sell a movie when you feel unworthy?
moviemaking is like selling your soul. when you have nothing to offer but guilt and a bit of last breath, how are u gonna stand up to people and tell them to come?
it's not about you, honey.
what?
it's not about you. so stand up and cut the nonsense. you have a movie to finish.
but it is about me. who would ever want to see me?
it's not you. it's themselves they will see.
still i feel unworthy.
you are.
then why would they see the movie?
because it's not about you. it's about us. our fear. our love. our loss. our dream.
I still feel unworthy. I'm broken.
but you are still alive, with your hand and feet. now stand up and type.
what should i type?
anything but this unworthy shit.
promise me it won't be about me?
it's not about you.
i love you.
yeah yeah yeah.... now shut up and type. no drama for february. we have a lot of things to do.
i love you.
*sigh... i love you more.
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