It took me a feature movie and endless travelling to answer it. Why does it take me so long for a simple yes or no question?
I was so afraid that my NO will hurt this movie… and above all, you.
It’s not because I think that you are not qualified enough to be my partner in life. God knows how tempting you are to me. It’s me. I am a very weak and selfish person. I am incapable of loving anyone, even you, forever and ever till death do us apart. My love will definitely fade away some day.
That’s why I need a (T) in my cinTa (Indonesian word for love). (T) is the only one who could strengthen me to stand by him through his weaknesses, entertain me through my incidental boredom of marriage, and comfort me not to take divorce as an option no matter how hard it gets.
And I don’t believe your love, or any love will last. I need a man who loves God more than he loves me. Otherwise, he will just leave this stupid weak girl eventually.
OK. I know you love God too, just in a different way. You think it is ridiculous that we cannot be together. But I happen to love singing in the church, and the idea of a God that is more like a father, and I need a partner who see Him as a father. It’s just like I cannot marry anyone who loves partying all night because I am more of a stay home person. It doesn’t mean that partying is bad, it’s just not for me.
The different lifestyle makes me uncomfortable. I need a guy who I can pray with every morning. I need a guy who refers to the same book for our problems. Because no matter how hard I try to tell myself that we are the same, we are not.
Despite my NO, I do believe that God creates us differently for a beautiful reason, not to make myself feel better than others. And I am very grateful that God let me get to know you. If you can see through my eyes, you will see how blessed I feel just to spend an afternoon of absolutely nothing with you.
Thank you. I love you. I always will.