Lagu Sendu

Orang yang menyanyikan nyanyian untuk hati yang sedih
adalah seperti orang yang menanggalkan baju di musim dingin
dan seperti cuka pada luka

Jadi di hari tanpa nada ini
Mari kita nikmati luka
Bersama tawa dan sedikit air mata
Biarkan waktu pelan-pelan menutupnya

Dan jika suatu hari nanti ia kembali menganga
Lihat langit dan syukuri sinarnya

I'm yours.

You Love Me More

Take me back in the heart I love
I need You like I did before
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that I wanted more

I won't go
I know I'll break Your heart
She won't love me like You will
You're the one who'll stay
When she walks away
And I know You'll be standing here still

You'll be waiting for me
Here inside my heart
You're the one who wants to love me more
I will see You can give me
Everything I need
Let me be the one to love You more

I see You as if I never knew
Hold me so I can't let go
I believe in You
You will make me see
All the things that my heart needs to know

And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we'll find a way

Curious Grandmas - The Murder Of Annet Van Houten

INTRODUCTION
A throwback to the old school Agatha Christie-inspired whodunits of the 60’s and 70’s, Curious Grandmas: The Murder of Annet Van Houten is an attempt to appeal to older audiences by giving them a classic mystery story cast with older actors and celebrities, while appealing to younger audiences by serving up a red hot slice of cheesy, over-the-top kitsch in the spirit of Francois Ozon’s 8 Women.

SYNOPSIS
Four fabulous grandmas, sans husbands, decide to celebrate New Year’s Eve on a resort. Their plan to party hearty is cut short by the mysterious death of the hotel owner, the legendary socialite, Annet Van Houten, whose corpse is found floating in the pool. Her family claims it is a suicide, but our curious grandmas adore gossip and they are convinced she was murdered. They decide to uncover the truth behind Annet’s death using every means at their disposal: pills, hairpins, stockings and even their own friendship. And they have to uncover the identity of the killer before he (or she) strikes again!

THE SLEUTHS
SUZANNE - a has-been international celebrity (and former Bond Girl) who wants her fame back. She is now a telemarketer for anti-aging beauty products.

LESLIE - a restaurant tycoon and closeted lesbian. She is still in love with Suzanne and plans to confess her passion on this vacation.

CONNIE - naïve, clueless and a hypochondriac, her daughter (and the other grandmas) are convinced she is ready for a nursing home.

ANNA MAE - a bereaved widow who turned to a new age religion called The Light to deal with her grief. Her mission is to convert all of her friends to her new religion.


"Mak Gondut kayanya yang paling gede sex appeal-nya deh," kata Lucky memutuskan mak gue yang akan jadi the former Bond Girl.

Gue ternganga, membayangkan emak gue topless tertutup selimut, di sebelah Rio Dewanto bertelanjang dada.

"Pokoknya mami pasti serius," kata Mak Gondut semangat. Belum tahu dia adegan apa yang menantinya. Bisa-bisa shocked.

Atau malah semangat?

Next year... oma-oma kepo will solve the mistery of the murder of Annet Van Heuten.

Hebring.

Valentine 2012

One of my short is invited to be the opening movie of a director known for its black lesbian theme.

So this Valentine, I will be in Berlin, in a theater full of cool and sophisticated women interested in each other.

My first big festival.

My first gay movie. The one I will never publish in Indonesia.

God, I do not know if I have to be grateful or fearful. This could be a beginning of the honest and passionate life I have been longing to. My first step to the real movie world, with the partner I can share the fear and the passion with.

Or will it be the beginning of another painful drama?

Or both.

I went through their website, looking at the beautiful and sophisticated women making movies, bravely discussing their view. Some are just like guys. Some have too many earrings. Some has too less hair. Some are just plain gorgeous. Some are beautiful and edgy. Some are way too edgy.

"You will have so much fun at the Teddy party."

Teddy party. The biggest after party for LGBT filmmakers. Who do you wanna get laid with?

I don't wanna get laid. I wanna have a loving and faithful relationship. Di dekatnya aku lebih tenang. Bersamanya jalan lebih terang. That kind of relationship.

"Yeah. Wait until you have an orgasm." he said, moaning.

A naive church girl coming straight from the third world country, what will happen to you?

For better or worse... Berlin, here I am.

So help me, God.

sent email

There were days I thought I would never love anyone like I love you. I did.

There were days I thought I would never be just friends with you. I did.

There were days I thought I would never call you with somebody else's name. I did.

And you kept smiling and listening, not a single anger or hatred. You wanted me to be happy.

You did.

You listen and you smile, beautiful, and wiser.

I kept wondering why it's not you I love. I guess I was just smarter before.

Have a good life in Melbourne, babe. You will always be a part of me no one could replace.

Not even my 2012:-)

lempuk durian

Sekotak lempuk durian, dibawa jauh-jauh dari bengkulu, nginep di cianjur, lanjut ke bandung, nyasar ke setiabudi, dan akhirnya sampai ke gue.

Gue gak suka durian.

Tapi tentu saja tetap kuterima, tak tega menolak mukanya yang berpeluh abis nyasar magrib-magrib di kota orang.

'jadi kenapa mbak bikin cin(T)a ?'

Untuk mencari jawaban atas pertanyaan saya sendiri kenapa Allah nyiptain kita beda-beda bla bla bla bla bla...

Setelah ditanya untuk ke sekian kalinya, dan menjawab untuk kesekian kalinya, 'kenapa' jadi seperti kehilangan makna. Apalagi etelah sadar, I sound better than the real soul inside.

Demi apa gue bikin film?

Biar ada yang rela jauh-jauh dateng dari bengkulu cuma untuk ketemu gua 15 menit? Biar gak resah lagi? Biar ngusik orang aja? Biar gue hepi?

Biar dikasih lempuk durian?

Film melibatkan terlalu banyak orang cuma untuk bikin gue hepi. Kalau gue bosen, gak bisa ditinggal. Terlalu banyak energi yang sudah mereka berikan. It's work. It can't be personal.

"It's always personal. Lo kira kenapa hitler ngebantai yahudi? It's never not personal, girl."

But life is a choice. No one is pushing you to stay. You can always runaway. It's only a movie.

"Tapi banyak banget yang akan patah harapan kalau gue sampai ninggalin ini..."

Come on. It's only a movie. You're not starting a revolution here.

Jut sell it to the TV and get the investment money back. Move on to your next projects. The sexy dancing gale? The fabulous Curious Grandmas? The conscious Resign Club?

It's only a movie.

Is it?

a fabulous life

'yuk mabok yuk...'

mahal. gak ngaruh juga ke gue. kayanya badan gue kebal alkohol.

'yuk coklat yuk...'

gue kan mau diet, biar muat nyari dress kaya helen miller.

'yuk beli baju yuk...'

mahal. nanti aja deh kalau gue udah 65.

'kan kita mau red carpet'an di Hongkong. Jangan sampe kalah fabulous ama Gong Li.'

gak papa kalah fabulous. yang penting ada yang sayang ama gue.

'yuk cari pacar yuk...'

mahal. nanti aja deh kalau gue udah 29.

'jadi lo maunya apa?'

Gak mau apa-apa, sayang. Cuma pengen bersyukur kalian ada di sini, dengan dada yang siap dipeluk, telinga siap mendengar, dan wifi siap dipinjem.

Tuhan, terima kasih atas berkat yang kau berikan. Entah bagaimana menjadi berkat bagi orang lain.

I guess being grateful is good enough for now.

Thank you for loving me.

dear you

Dear you,

I know we haven't met yet but I'm trying my best to love you.

I will work hard to keep you safe and secure. But if you are the one who could keep me safe and secure, that's okay too. No ego will keep me from loving you dearly.

You will take care of me and I will take care of you. But if you can't, that's okay too. No heartache will keep me from loving you tenderly.

We will share our dream together and admire each other. We will share our light to the world and not wanting anything in return.

We will lead an honest and passionate life. I will be with you, even to the road less traveled.

We will always be beautiful together.

Thanks God I haven't met you cause I can't love you like that.

Yet.

This stupid selfish girl need a lot to learn before I get to say I love you.

In the meantime, I will try my best to be the best me you could ever have.

Can't wait to see you' babe.