"Berhubung gue gak jadi-jadi ketemu ama lo, lewat BBM aja ya. Mumpung lo belon kawin. Gue cuma mau bilang gue sempet naksir banget ama lo."
Diketawain.
"Monyet. Tapi gue juga ngetawain gue sendiri juga sih."
Diterima-kasihin.
Lebih monyet.
Nothing worse than a love confession and a thank you in return.
But surprisingly, it does not hurt me anymore. Padahal dulu satu sms dari doi bisa bikin hari gue berubah durjana.
Sekarang gue melenggang kangkung di kawinan doi sambil promo diri. Surprisingly, dua tiga lelaki terprospeki.
Dua lelaki, satu bukan. Hihihi.
Asal batak kan, mi? Gak bilang cowo apa cewe.
"Lo bandel-bandel aja sekarang Tid," kata sahabat yang sudah nyobain sebelas titit... eh... sebelas t***t dan akhirnya memutuskan menikah di usia dua tujuh.
"Ntar juga kalau udah ketemu t**** yang pas, lo pasti tahu."
Saat teman-teman kita selingkuh, dia dengan senang hati pulang ke rumah nyusuin anak.
Clubbing?
Sex?
Concert?
Been there, done that. Lebih seru ngedandanin anak.
"Gue kawin kecepatan kalik ya?"
"Nggak ah. Si Dini cuma pernah nyobain Soni, tapi nyandu banget tuh kayanya."
Eh...
"Nggak ah. Si D*** cuma pernah nyobain S***, tapi nyandu banget tuh kayanya."
Baru dua tahun. Tunggu dua tahun lagi.
"Hey, Babe. Ntar di Bandung gue nginep di tempat lo ya. Private screening."
Duh. I don't trust myself.
Tapi tenang. Suami dia perfect, gak mungkin ada apa-apa ama gue.
"Justru yang perfect-perfect itu, Tid. Suami gue juga perfect, kata orang. Buktinya?"
Kenapa kita resah?
"Keintiman adl diskusi bersama, kehancuran hati bersama, keheningan bersama, kesedihan dan sukacita bersama, komitmen bersama. It's not sex."
Yang bisa diajak diskusi, hancur, hening, sedih, suka, dan komit sih banyak, Bang. We need sex.
Really?
Nggak juga sih.
Kayanya enak juga ya hening bersama.
Really?
Dasar perawan.
Minggu, 18 Desember 2011
grow up
"Kau isilah itu Kalibata. Malu mami kau nginep rumah orang terus. Kayak gak punya rumah," kata Mak Gondut.
It's time to grow up.
Jadi hari ini gue rusun viewing bersama seorang lelaki yang tak akan pernah jadi suami.
"Ah masa sama cowo?" kata Mak Gondut pertama kali dengar gue mau tinggal ama Sunny. "Lagi musim digrebeg orang ini."
Tapi dua hari kemudian Mak Gondut berubah pikiran.
"Bilanglah ama si Sunny 600 aja. kalau mamaknya datang, bisalah nanti mamaknya di kamar kita. Kan jarang juga kau di Jakarta."
Stranger than fiction. So typical Mak Gondut.
Jadi hari ini aku dan Sunny goyang-goyang ekor di lantai dua puluh sebuah rumah susun tak berpenghuni tak berfurniture dan ternyata tak ber-air ledeng. Terpaksa pipis Sunny disiram Aqua.
Walau kamarnya tanpa jendela, Sunny setuju mengikat janji berdua, mengisi kalibata.
Dilanjutkan makan malam berdua.
Nyari furniture berdua.
Nggak ding, bertiga. Pacar Sunny ikut juga.
Damn.
Time to get one.
Time to grow up.
Haruskan berdua?
It's time to grow up.
Jadi hari ini gue rusun viewing bersama seorang lelaki yang tak akan pernah jadi suami.
"Ah masa sama cowo?" kata Mak Gondut pertama kali dengar gue mau tinggal ama Sunny. "Lagi musim digrebeg orang ini."
Tapi dua hari kemudian Mak Gondut berubah pikiran.
"Bilanglah ama si Sunny 600 aja. kalau mamaknya datang, bisalah nanti mamaknya di kamar kita. Kan jarang juga kau di Jakarta."
Stranger than fiction. So typical Mak Gondut.
Jadi hari ini aku dan Sunny goyang-goyang ekor di lantai dua puluh sebuah rumah susun tak berpenghuni tak berfurniture dan ternyata tak ber-air ledeng. Terpaksa pipis Sunny disiram Aqua.
Walau kamarnya tanpa jendela, Sunny setuju mengikat janji berdua, mengisi kalibata.
Dilanjutkan makan malam berdua.
Nyari furniture berdua.
Nggak ding, bertiga. Pacar Sunny ikut juga.
Damn.
Time to get one.
Time to grow up.
Haruskan berdua?
Selasa, 13 Desember 2011
Get Up and Go
Let's get together we know what we do
We're ruling the world nobody can pass through
Again and again we start to make our dream come true
Nobody else control what we do
There's no fear around me
Life is a crazy ride nothing's guaranteed
Good things will set me free
How many times did you move on but not leave?
The new music of Homogenic, Dina gue push biar gak lagi bedroom music, harus bisa dimainin di kampung kota, festive kaya Mika, dan akhirnya jadi seru kaya Mama Kylie Minogue.
So not Homogenic, tapi thrilling. A perfect song buat ending.
Nyanyinya bareng-bareng... seluruh kru cewe-cewe Demi Ucok, termasuk gue tentunya. Sedikit lagi menuju mimpi gue: jadi vokalis, menggeser singgasana Manda. Huahahhahahahhahaha.... Perut sih udah sama.
Watch out, Manda.
"Kita bikin video klipnya yuk. Yang easy cheesy gitu," bbm dina.
Easy and cheesy... mure dan keju: gue dong? Gue aja modelnya.
Ternyata kru lain pun pengen ikut eksis. Video klip tak lagi hanya gue seorang. Semuanya nimbrung. Di-shooting di sela-sela layar tancap nantinya.
Pupus lagi harapanku jadi lead vocal. Hhhhh... mungkin harus bikin album solo.
Tak sabar menanti premiere.
How many times did you move on but not leave?
We're ruling the world nobody can pass through
Again and again we start to make our dream come true
Nobody else control what we do
There's no fear around me
Life is a crazy ride nothing's guaranteed
Good things will set me free
How many times did you move on but not leave?
The new music of Homogenic, Dina gue push biar gak lagi bedroom music, harus bisa dimainin di kampung kota, festive kaya Mika, dan akhirnya jadi seru kaya Mama Kylie Minogue.
So not Homogenic, tapi thrilling. A perfect song buat ending.
Nyanyinya bareng-bareng... seluruh kru cewe-cewe Demi Ucok, termasuk gue tentunya. Sedikit lagi menuju mimpi gue: jadi vokalis, menggeser singgasana Manda. Huahahhahahahhahaha.... Perut sih udah sama.
Watch out, Manda.
"Kita bikin video klipnya yuk. Yang easy cheesy gitu," bbm dina.
Easy and cheesy... mure dan keju: gue dong? Gue aja modelnya.
Ternyata kru lain pun pengen ikut eksis. Video klip tak lagi hanya gue seorang. Semuanya nimbrung. Di-shooting di sela-sela layar tancap nantinya.
Pupus lagi harapanku jadi lead vocal. Hhhhh... mungkin harus bikin album solo.
Tak sabar menanti premiere.
How many times did you move on but not leave?
Ditolak Berlin
Dear Sammaria Simanjuntak,
Your film has now been screened to our committee and was discussed at great length in all sections concerned. Unfortunately though, "Demi Ucok" has not been chosen for presentation at the 62nd Berlin International Film Festival.
Seharusnya gue kecewa, tapi kok gue amazingly biasa aja. Mungkin memang Demi Ucok seharusnya ditonton di Kampung Kota bersama-sama teman dan keluarga sambil minum bandrek dan bajigur, bukan bersama kritikus dan filmmaker sambil sipping importedEuropean coffee.
Tapi kok somehow gue masih merasa gue akan melihat Sony Center Berlin lagi ya?
Someday. Somehow.
Tak sabar mau premiere.
Your film has now been screened to our committee and was discussed at great length in all sections concerned. Unfortunately though, "Demi Ucok" has not been chosen for presentation at the 62nd Berlin International Film Festival.
Seharusnya gue kecewa, tapi kok gue amazingly biasa aja. Mungkin memang Demi Ucok seharusnya ditonton di Kampung Kota bersama-sama teman dan keluarga sambil minum bandrek dan bajigur, bukan bersama kritikus dan filmmaker sambil sipping importedEuropean coffee.
Tapi kok somehow gue masih merasa gue akan melihat Sony Center Berlin lagi ya?
Someday. Somehow.
Tak sabar mau premiere.
Djodohin
Lagi!
"Kalian berdua duduklah dulu di sana lima menit. Ngobrol apalah dulu," seru Papi sambil menunjuk sebuah sofa di ujung teras.
Gue menatap papi tak percaya. Disuruh mojok di ujung sana lima menit ama seorang lelaki tak dikenal? Bokap gue either desperate, gak berbudaya, atau emang gila. Doi udah bosan berbulus ria ngejodohin gue, sekarang maen tembak langsung kaya Batak baru dateng dari Kampung.
Bapaknya sih kaya baru datang dari kampung, padahal katanya s3 atau s2 atau s apalah itu di amerika. Neken pintu bel kaya kebakaran ketek. Gak tau kalau kuping orang juga punya hati.
Dengan bau rokok dan ludah di bibir kiri si Bapak tertawa pamer gigi coklat kekuningan mendukung Papi agar kami mojok berdua.
Tangannya gue tarik : "Eh sori banget ya Bokap gue malu-maluin. Gue sekarang lagi sibuk ngedit, jadi maaf banget gue tinggal dulu."
"Emang kerjaannya apa?"
"Bikin film."
"Film apa?" tanyanya seakan-akan film bukan kerjaan.
"Ya gitu deh," jawab gue enggan menjelaskan. Mbok ya kalau dateng riset dulu toh, Bang.
Dan gue kembali ke atas, melanjutkan shooting interview behind the scene. Untung lagi shooting, jadi gue agak cakepan dikit. Pake bulu mata dan baju pamer dada.
Dua jam kemudian, suara papi kembali menggelegar, nyuruh turun. Si tamu mau pulang.
"Kau catat nomor HP-ku ya! Namaku BH. "
"36 atau 32 ?" tanya si amang satu lagi yang tak kalah bau rokok dan berludah.
Gue 38.
Gak bisa banget appreciate selera humor lelaki-lelaki tua bau rokok.
Enough said. Ini terakhir kalinya gue dijodohin.
Papi Mami, no more Miss Nice Girl.
"Kalian berdua duduklah dulu di sana lima menit. Ngobrol apalah dulu," seru Papi sambil menunjuk sebuah sofa di ujung teras.
Gue menatap papi tak percaya. Disuruh mojok di ujung sana lima menit ama seorang lelaki tak dikenal? Bokap gue either desperate, gak berbudaya, atau emang gila. Doi udah bosan berbulus ria ngejodohin gue, sekarang maen tembak langsung kaya Batak baru dateng dari Kampung.
Bapaknya sih kaya baru datang dari kampung, padahal katanya s3 atau s2 atau s apalah itu di amerika. Neken pintu bel kaya kebakaran ketek. Gak tau kalau kuping orang juga punya hati.
Dengan bau rokok dan ludah di bibir kiri si Bapak tertawa pamer gigi coklat kekuningan mendukung Papi agar kami mojok berdua.
Tangannya gue tarik : "Eh sori banget ya Bokap gue malu-maluin. Gue sekarang lagi sibuk ngedit, jadi maaf banget gue tinggal dulu."
"Emang kerjaannya apa?"
"Bikin film."
"Film apa?" tanyanya seakan-akan film bukan kerjaan.
"Ya gitu deh," jawab gue enggan menjelaskan. Mbok ya kalau dateng riset dulu toh, Bang.
Dan gue kembali ke atas, melanjutkan shooting interview behind the scene. Untung lagi shooting, jadi gue agak cakepan dikit. Pake bulu mata dan baju pamer dada.
Dua jam kemudian, suara papi kembali menggelegar, nyuruh turun. Si tamu mau pulang.
"Kau catat nomor HP-ku ya! Namaku BH. "
"36 atau 32 ?" tanya si amang satu lagi yang tak kalah bau rokok dan berludah.
Gue 38.
Gak bisa banget appreciate selera humor lelaki-lelaki tua bau rokok.
Enough said. Ini terakhir kalinya gue dijodohin.
Papi Mami, no more Miss Nice Girl.
Senin, 12 Desember 2011
Menuju Layar Tancap
It is so good, I'm getting scared.
Gimana kalau hujan?
Ya we will dance in the rain.
YEah, baby.
Layar Tancap Demi Ucok
Undangan siap menyebar ke cast n crew Demi Ucok, yang paling pantas jadi mahkluk pertama yang menikmati Demi Ucok. Yang diundang hanya teman teman dan teman, dan mereka yang diharapkan lebih dari sekedar teman.
Tanpa mentri. Tanpa SBY. Tanpa selebriti. Mampukah menembus box office?
At least mak kita eksis.
Minggu, 11 Desember 2011
Abah
Mak Gondut dioperasi walaupun kemungkinan berhasilnya cuma 10%. Si Dokter tersenyum manis menyambut Glo.
Itulah salah satu adegan di Demi Ucok. Dokter diperankan Abah Burhan, astrada. Abah bukan aktor, tapi kita lebih milih Abah. Kalau-kalau filmnya gagal, setidaknya jadi dokumentasi keluarga kita.
Senyum Abah juara.
Tapi malam ini Abah gak bisa senyum lagi. Malam ini giliran Abah yang harus dioperasi. Kemungkinan berhasilnya cuma sepuluh persen.
Dan malam 22 desember nanti Abah gak bisa ikutan di premiere. Padahal sudah bilang-bilang ke tetangga kanan kiri.
More reason to finish this movie. Biar senyum Abah bisa ditonton tetangga-tetangga.
Proud to have you here, Abah.
Dear Tuhan
Tuhan, pendeta sedang khotbah. Gue males dengerin. Gue ingin mendengar suaramu, bukan khotbah tentang betapa kita seharusnya puas dengan apa yang kita miliki.
Tuhan, are you here? You are not answering.
Are you mad at me? Are you ashamed of me?
Tuhan, bahkan Daud pun kau ampuni setelah Batsyeba. Tapi kenapa kamu diam saja?
Mungkin karena Daud meraung-raung minta ampun. Dia meraung-raung karena merasa bersalah.
Tapi aku tidak meraung-raung minta ampun. Aku tidak merasa bersalah. Aku malah ngetik BB di sela-sela khotbah.
Tuhan, am I really that awful? Have you hardened my heart? Is this what you did to Saul's heart?
I am tired of being your good girl cause I am not. I am selfish. I am angry. And I can so totally ignore whatever things you say in your bible.
Was that really you? Or was it some Moses and some Paul and some Peter and some guys' thought about you?
I thought you were wonderful and witty. I still do.
But I am not so wonderful and witty anymore. I am full of hatred and anger and unfinished feeling steering my mind to overcompensate to something else.
I'm trying to explain my feeling in words but it frustrates me even more. I can't believe anyone had ever had this feeling.
But Celine Dion did.
Josh Groban did.
Goo Goo Dolls.
Dewa 19.
Even Akon did.
If this feeling is not that special_everyone else feels it once in a while_how can it be so strong?
Gue mau diam dan duduk dekatmu, Tuhan, tapi kamu terlalu bijak. Kamu gak pernah jatuh cinta. Kamu gak tahu rasanya ingin meluk tapi gak bisa.
You are God. How could you?
You did. You wanna hug her, but You didn't.
But I did.
Did that make you God and I am human?
Tuhan, I wanna stay close to you. This world of self centered desire is getting me nowhere.
But you are not listening to me. Why would you? I'm a sinner. I am selfish. I never thought of you before. Why would you think of me?
Or would You like it better if I ask for her happiness and joy and a little short term memory loss?
Nope.
I didn't mean it. I am too selfish to ask for her happiness.
God, help me. Take me out of this me me me me and me world.
Tuhan, are you here? You are not answering.
Are you mad at me? Are you ashamed of me?
Tuhan, bahkan Daud pun kau ampuni setelah Batsyeba. Tapi kenapa kamu diam saja?
Mungkin karena Daud meraung-raung minta ampun. Dia meraung-raung karena merasa bersalah.
Tapi aku tidak meraung-raung minta ampun. Aku tidak merasa bersalah. Aku malah ngetik BB di sela-sela khotbah.
Tuhan, am I really that awful? Have you hardened my heart? Is this what you did to Saul's heart?
I am tired of being your good girl cause I am not. I am selfish. I am angry. And I can so totally ignore whatever things you say in your bible.
Was that really you? Or was it some Moses and some Paul and some Peter and some guys' thought about you?
I thought you were wonderful and witty. I still do.
But I am not so wonderful and witty anymore. I am full of hatred and anger and unfinished feeling steering my mind to overcompensate to something else.
I'm trying to explain my feeling in words but it frustrates me even more. I can't believe anyone had ever had this feeling.
But Celine Dion did.
Josh Groban did.
Goo Goo Dolls.
Dewa 19.
Even Akon did.
If this feeling is not that special_everyone else feels it once in a while_how can it be so strong?
Gue mau diam dan duduk dekatmu, Tuhan, tapi kamu terlalu bijak. Kamu gak pernah jatuh cinta. Kamu gak tahu rasanya ingin meluk tapi gak bisa.
You are God. How could you?
You did. You wanna hug her, but You didn't.
But I did.
Did that make you God and I am human?
Tuhan, I wanna stay close to you. This world of self centered desire is getting me nowhere.
But you are not listening to me. Why would you? I'm a sinner. I am selfish. I never thought of you before. Why would you think of me?
Or would You like it better if I ask for her happiness and joy and a little short term memory loss?
Nope.
I didn't mean it. I am too selfish to ask for her happiness.
God, help me. Take me out of this me me me me and me world.
Sabtu, 10 Desember 2011
Tebak-Tebak Cong
"Kakak gue kayanya cong."
Ya udah kita jodohin aja ama Lucky.
"Tapi kakak gue nggak mau ngaku."
Ya udah kita tanyakan saja twitter.
Twitter twitter on the world, is he really cong after all.
"Interior Architecture Consultant."
"Can't wait to meet a (confirmed cong) tonight."
"Oh dia temannya (confirmed cong)."
Definitley cong.
"Dia masih gak ama si (confirmed cong)?"
Putusssss. Alhamdulilah.
Dia top atau bottom ya?
Tanyakan twitter.
"Top!"
Emang top nih twitter.
Ayo kita ke bawah, beli baju ketat biar kita kelihatan tambah bottom.
Demi ewi-ewi yang tidak hanya semalam.
Ya udah kita jodohin aja ama Lucky.
"Tapi kakak gue nggak mau ngaku."
Ya udah kita tanyakan saja twitter.
Twitter twitter on the world, is he really cong after all.
"Interior Architecture Consultant."
"Can't wait to meet a (confirmed cong) tonight."
"Oh dia temannya (confirmed cong)."
Definitley cong.
"Dia masih gak ama si (confirmed cong)?"
Putusssss. Alhamdulilah.
Dia top atau bottom ya?
Tanyakan twitter.
"Top!"
Emang top nih twitter.
Ayo kita ke bawah, beli baju ketat biar kita kelihatan tambah bottom.
Demi ewi-ewi yang tidak hanya semalam.
fabulous
"Girl, you need a make over," kata cong gaya di kamar gue. I have 3 cute guys in my bedroom, all more interested in what's on my body rather than my body.
Gue berbaring cleopatra di atas ranjang tanpa guna mencoba menggoda salah satu dada bidang itu menghimpit dada ini. Hanya untuk kemudian dilihat nista.
"And no more carbo for you after six," sambungnya, instead of kata-kata cinta.
Tapi rambutku dibelai mesra.
"And this hair... harus dipanjangin. You look like a butch. Gimana mo dapet jodoh?" tambahnya, senada Mak Gondut.
"You need to dress like a director. More edgy. More representative. How are you gonna get people to invest in your movie?" tambahnya sambil melihat button merah totol-totol di salah satu calon baju gue yang akan dibuang.
"It's the perfect time to get jodoh, when you are no good to see. Then you'll know more you get inner beauty, what the eyes can't see" jawabku.
Dia tidak menjawab, hanya menatap nyinyir.
Ngik.
Dan hari ini gue sudah diseret ke Pop Shop, beli baju dua ratus ribu something.
Ngik.
Gak boleh minta cheese cake.
Gak boleh minta Mc D.
Terong balado, okelah.
Green tea ice cream apple pie? No. Green tea aja.
Is this what I have to do to get someone? Kasian banget gue.
"Kok kasihan sih? You need to be thankful that you are eating healthy food," kata cong gaya melanjutkan.
"And girl, you have an asset. If I were you, I would so show it off to the world," sambil menjamah dada gue.
"Pantat lo juga bagus," jawabku sambil coba raba-raba asetnya sebagai most eligible bottom di jakarta.
"Heran kok lo gak punya pacar sih?"
"Heran lo kok juga gak punya pacar sih?"
"Kita pacaran aja gimana?"
"If you are a boy, I am so gonna do you."
But I am not. So we are going for this instant makeover to get a boy.
No more carbo. Demi premiere yang fabulous.
Gue berbaring cleopatra di atas ranjang tanpa guna mencoba menggoda salah satu dada bidang itu menghimpit dada ini. Hanya untuk kemudian dilihat nista.
"And no more carbo for you after six," sambungnya, instead of kata-kata cinta.
Tapi rambutku dibelai mesra.
"And this hair... harus dipanjangin. You look like a butch. Gimana mo dapet jodoh?" tambahnya, senada Mak Gondut.
"You need to dress like a director. More edgy. More representative. How are you gonna get people to invest in your movie?" tambahnya sambil melihat button merah totol-totol di salah satu calon baju gue yang akan dibuang.
"It's the perfect time to get jodoh, when you are no good to see. Then you'll know more you get inner beauty, what the eyes can't see" jawabku.
Dia tidak menjawab, hanya menatap nyinyir.
Ngik.
Dan hari ini gue sudah diseret ke Pop Shop, beli baju dua ratus ribu something.
Ngik.
Gak boleh minta cheese cake.
Gak boleh minta Mc D.
Terong balado, okelah.
Green tea ice cream apple pie? No. Green tea aja.
Is this what I have to do to get someone? Kasian banget gue.
"Kok kasihan sih? You need to be thankful that you are eating healthy food," kata cong gaya melanjutkan.
"And girl, you have an asset. If I were you, I would so show it off to the world," sambil menjamah dada gue.
"Pantat lo juga bagus," jawabku sambil coba raba-raba asetnya sebagai most eligible bottom di jakarta.
"Heran kok lo gak punya pacar sih?"
"Heran lo kok juga gak punya pacar sih?"
"Kita pacaran aja gimana?"
"If you are a boy, I am so gonna do you."
But I am not. So we are going for this instant makeover to get a boy.
No more carbo. Demi premiere yang fabulous.
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