Minggu, 31 Oktober 2010
Bencana
Save Mentawai.
Save Merapi.
Save Jiffest.
Begitu banyak yang harus dipedulikan, dan gue malah mikirin lo.
Selfish. No empathy. Weak.
I only cry for myself.
Tapi toh wakil mereka saja tak peduli. Itu salah mereka sendiri, siapa suruh tinggal di pulau. Lebih baik kita jalan-jalan ke Yunani, studi banding bagaimana membangkrutkan negeri.
I don't wanna be like him. I wanna care more about my people.
Not Selfish. More empathy. Not Weak.
Tapi kamu melintas lagi. Dan aku egois lagi.
Benarkah ini cinta ketika itu membuatku tak memikirkan sesama?
Bencana sesungguhnya adalah ketika saudara-saudaramu menderita, dan kamu malah mikirin dia.
Hhhh...
Save Merapi.
Save Jiffest.
Begitu banyak yang harus dipedulikan, dan gue malah mikirin lo.
Selfish. No empathy. Weak.
I only cry for myself.
Tapi toh wakil mereka saja tak peduli. Itu salah mereka sendiri, siapa suruh tinggal di pulau. Lebih baik kita jalan-jalan ke Yunani, studi banding bagaimana membangkrutkan negeri.
I don't wanna be like him. I wanna care more about my people.
Not Selfish. More empathy. Not Weak.
Tapi kamu melintas lagi. Dan aku egois lagi.
Benarkah ini cinta ketika itu membuatku tak memikirkan sesama?
Bencana sesungguhnya adalah ketika saudara-saudaramu menderita, dan kamu malah mikirin dia.
Hhhh...
Sabtu, 30 Oktober 2010
singing sanctuary
Ketika rumah Tuhan tidak lagi memberi ruang untuk bertanya, mereka beralih ke ruang karaoke.
Dia bernyanyi dan tertawa, meminjam kata-kata josh groban untuk mengungkapkan perih di hati.
Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
It really was a him. And he wanna know his name.
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Dia bernyanyi. Kami terdiam. Patah hatinya menyesakkan ruangan.
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
Thank God it's over. His voice is just too divine. His bitterness is just too contagious.
Next.
A traffic jam, when you're already late
A "No smoking" sign, on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife
But she change the last word to husband.
Next.
If we could share our time
Would I disappoint your fantasies
I believe that you could be the one I'm needing
'cause I'm only lonely on the inside
I feel you. I feel you. But that happy puppy is still smiling happily.
Hei happy puppy, can't you see how sad he is?
Next.
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
We are a generation who gets philosophy in a pop song. Sing, babe! Just sing!
This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok, follow your heart
You're in harms way I'm right behind
Now say you're mine
You've got the music in you.
Health insurance rip off lying
FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in
This room is our sanctuary. New Radicals, Hootie and The Blowfish, Lady Gaga, Alanis, and Melinda are the new Isaiahs.
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
And life has a funny, funny way, of helping you out
Helping you out
Amen.
Dia bernyanyi dan tertawa, meminjam kata-kata josh groban untuk mengungkapkan perih di hati.
Tell me his name
I want to know
The way he looks
And where you go
I need to see his face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
It really was a him. And he wanna know his name.
I let you go
I let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Dia bernyanyi. Kami terdiam. Patah hatinya menyesakkan ruangan.
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
Thank God it's over. His voice is just too divine. His bitterness is just too contagious.
Next.
A traffic jam, when you're already late
A "No smoking" sign, on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons, when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful wife
But she change the last word to husband.
Next.
If we could share our time
Would I disappoint your fantasies
I believe that you could be the one I'm needing
'cause I'm only lonely on the inside
I feel you. I feel you. But that happy puppy is still smiling happily.
Hei happy puppy, can't you see how sad he is?
Next.
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
We only get what we give
We are a generation who gets philosophy in a pop song. Sing, babe! Just sing!
This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok, follow your heart
You're in harms way I'm right behind
Now say you're mine
You've got the music in you.
Health insurance rip off lying
FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion shoots with Beck and Hanson
Courtney love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in
This room is our sanctuary. New Radicals, Hootie and The Blowfish, Lady Gaga, Alanis, and Melinda are the new Isaiahs.
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
And life has a funny, funny way, of helping you out
Helping you out
Amen.
Rabu, 27 Oktober 2010
Me After cin(T)a
"Did the movie change you?" tanya salah seorang penanya.
"Yes," jawab gue singkat tanpa berusaha menjelaskan 9W 1H kronologis perubahan yang dibawa cin(T)a pada hidup gue.
If you can see me before and after, lo akan bisa melihat betapa gue agak cakepan. Kulit lebih bersinar dan alis lebih rapi. Tak ada lagi sisa-sisa amarah dan dendam yang memotivasi gue membuat cin(T)a dan membuat kulit wajahku kusam dan pori-pori melebar. Tentu saja ditambah bantuan Erha dan Dina Dellyana.
If you can see me before and after, lo akan bisa merasakan betapa gue tambah bodoh. Tidak ada lagi anak yang know it all, had it all, hate it all. Sekarang gue semakin sadar gue gak tahu apa-apa.
If you can see me before and after, lo akan lihat betapa gue tak lagi lihai berbicara. Tidak ada lagi jawaban-jawaban diplomatis berbalut gula-gula yang diharapkan menyenangkan semua orang dan menghindarkan diri gue dari serangan massa.
"Do you think people from other religion will go tho heaven?"
Yes. At least the Jew, please. I wanna see Jesus .
"Do you think people can marry someone from other religion?" tanya another penanya.
Gue terdiam sebentar. Teringat orang-orang yang gue temui hari ini.
Another sutradara. Emaknya Cina. Bapaknya Jew. Anaknya gak telihat Cina atau Jew.
Supir taksi. Bapaknya Mormon. Emaknya Catholic Filipino. Anaknya kaya Latino.
Si programmer. Bapaknya Vietnam. Emaknya Amerika. Anaknya Hawaiian.
Kalau kita gak boleh menikah beda agama, hari gue tak akan dipenuhi tawa mereka. Apa kujawab diplomatis saja? Agar jenis-jenis mereka tetap diciptakan, tapi gue terhindar dari hujatan massa karena diangap mendukung pernikahan beda agama.
Sayangnya gue teringat Darius yang bukan raja. Sutradara muda yang gue temui hari ini. Emaknya Muslim Iran. Bapaknya Agnostic American.
Namanya raja. Badannya dewa. Hatinya malaikat.
How can I be diplomatic knowing that Darius exists?
All is vanity and striving after wind. What else can we do on this Earth but be joyful and pursue happiness in this lot that was given to us?
Mulai hari itu, gue tidak lagi diplomatis.
"Yes. Go ahead and marry anyone you feel connected to."
"Yes," jawab gue singkat tanpa berusaha menjelaskan 9W 1H kronologis perubahan yang dibawa cin(T)a pada hidup gue.
If you can see me before and after, lo akan bisa melihat betapa gue agak cakepan. Kulit lebih bersinar dan alis lebih rapi. Tak ada lagi sisa-sisa amarah dan dendam yang memotivasi gue membuat cin(T)a dan membuat kulit wajahku kusam dan pori-pori melebar. Tentu saja ditambah bantuan Erha dan Dina Dellyana.
If you can see me before and after, lo akan bisa merasakan betapa gue tambah bodoh. Tidak ada lagi anak yang know it all, had it all, hate it all. Sekarang gue semakin sadar gue gak tahu apa-apa.
If you can see me before and after, lo akan lihat betapa gue tak lagi lihai berbicara. Tidak ada lagi jawaban-jawaban diplomatis berbalut gula-gula yang diharapkan menyenangkan semua orang dan menghindarkan diri gue dari serangan massa.
"Do you think people from other religion will go tho heaven?"
Yes. At least the Jew, please. I wanna see Jesus .
"Do you think people can marry someone from other religion?" tanya another penanya.
Gue terdiam sebentar. Teringat orang-orang yang gue temui hari ini.
Another sutradara. Emaknya Cina. Bapaknya Jew. Anaknya gak telihat Cina atau Jew.
Supir taksi. Bapaknya Mormon. Emaknya Catholic Filipino. Anaknya kaya Latino.
Si programmer. Bapaknya Vietnam. Emaknya Amerika. Anaknya Hawaiian.
Kalau kita gak boleh menikah beda agama, hari gue tak akan dipenuhi tawa mereka. Apa kujawab diplomatis saja? Agar jenis-jenis mereka tetap diciptakan, tapi gue terhindar dari hujatan massa karena diangap mendukung pernikahan beda agama.
Sayangnya gue teringat Darius yang bukan raja. Sutradara muda yang gue temui hari ini. Emaknya Muslim Iran. Bapaknya Agnostic American.
Namanya raja. Badannya dewa. Hatinya malaikat.
How can I be diplomatic knowing that Darius exists?
All is vanity and striving after wind. What else can we do on this Earth but be joyful and pursue happiness in this lot that was given to us?
Mulai hari itu, gue tidak lagi diplomatis.
"Yes. Go ahead and marry anyone you feel connected to."
Listen To Your Gut
I know there's something in the wake of Your smile
I get a notion from the look in Your eyes
You've built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark
Listen to your Gut
when He's calling for you
Listen to your Gut
there's nothing else you can do
You don't know where you're going
and you don't know why
but listen to your gut
before you tell Him...
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams
And there are voices
that want to be heard
So much to mention
but you can't find the words
The scent of magic
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind
How can you listen when you never shut up?
Be Still and know that I am Gut.
I get a notion from the look in Your eyes
You've built a love but that love falls apart
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark
Listen to your Gut
when He's calling for you
Listen to your Gut
there's nothing else you can do
You don't know where you're going
and you don't know why
but listen to your gut
before you tell Him...
Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
The precious moments are all lost in the tide
They're swept away and nothing is what it seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams
And there are voices
that want to be heard
So much to mention
but you can't find the words
The scent of magic
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind
How can you listen when you never shut up?
Be Still and know that I am Gut.
Senin, 25 Oktober 2010
The Girl Who Was Never Horny
Dia 26. Gak pernah masturbasi. Gak pernah ML. Gak pernah suka ciuman.
She makes me feel like the biggest pervert on earth. I need raw meat, not like the one this Sushi Tei feed us.
No! He is the biggest pervert. Compared to him, aku hanya seekor perawan gendut yang pengalaman masturbasinya hanya sebatas guling.
Him? Kalau ke kosan dia, sedia dettol sebelum pulang. It’s a crime scene, a witness to his sex life. Jangan menyentuh barang apa pun. Terutama gunting.
Dia harus packing buat ke Kalimantan malam ini, meninggalkan gue and the never horny girl. Gue pengen nganterin ke airport karena belum puas supply cerita-cerita birahi. Apa daya Tomang sudah berubah menjadi samudera, mobil-mobil pun berlabuh frustasi di depan Central Park. Tak terlihat tanda-tanda melaju. Akhirnya aku harus cukup puas dihibur dengan SMS-SMS nakalnya.
Gue terjebak di apartemen The Never Horny Girl.
Haruskah gue nginep di sini? Takut pinjem gulingnya setelah mengumbar cerita cintaku dengan guling.
“Lo gak akan masturbasi depan gue kan?” kata dia sambil melempar guling.
Gue gak jawab, pura-pura terhanyut dengan SMS-SMS dari Kalimantan yang masih tetap nakal.
Him: “Lo gak diapa-apain kan nginep di tempat dia?”
Me in her biggest T-shirt and her basket short who looks more like tights on me. Really not a perfect lesbian scene.
Me: “Pengen gue apa-apain sih. Tapi sayang ah. Mending gue piara jadi temen.”
Ntar siapa lagi yang bayarin gue sushi tei?
Him: “Ih gue kirain lo yang bakal dimangsa. Doi kan bilang ga horny ama cowo. Ga bilang gak horny ama cewe.”
Me: “Hahahaha lo percaya gak tuh ama dia? Masa sih ada orang gak pernah horny?”
Him: “Gue percaya ada banyak possibilities. Tapi berhubung gue suka sex, gue gak kebayang ada orang yang gak pernah horny.”
She’s a saint./ She lies./She’s a lesbian.
Me: “Huahahaha. I can’t believe I am taking sex advice from you.”
Him: “Instictively kok. Paling gue cuma bisa bantu cari lokasi potensial doang.”
A toilet? A classroom? A hotel room? An empty apartment?
Enough sex talk for today. Not when I spent a night with a girl who watches Nat Geo and thinks everyone will go to heaven. I actually still listen to what she said at 2am, just the way I did 15 hours before.
Gue tidur di sofa. Menghindari kemungkinan-kemungkinan terburuk. No more free sushi tei.
Saat matahari mulai mengintip, saat Samudera Tomang tak lagi pasang, aku mulai berlayar dengan mobilku, kembali ke Rawamangun.
Apa daya mobilku dihalangi mobil lain yang parkir sembarangan. From some hundred cars in this parking lot, kenapa harus mobil gue yang dihalangi?
Oh God. Is this a sign? Masa gue harus balik ke atas lagi? Kasian doi lagi tidur.
So I sit there alone in my car, waiting. Listening to nothing but silence. Smelling nothing but her smell.
Sniff sniff.
Oh no. It’s me.
Now I smell like her.
Damn.
She makes me feel like the biggest pervert on earth. I need raw meat, not like the one this Sushi Tei feed us.
No! He is the biggest pervert. Compared to him, aku hanya seekor perawan gendut yang pengalaman masturbasinya hanya sebatas guling.
Him? Kalau ke kosan dia, sedia dettol sebelum pulang. It’s a crime scene, a witness to his sex life. Jangan menyentuh barang apa pun. Terutama gunting.
Dia harus packing buat ke Kalimantan malam ini, meninggalkan gue and the never horny girl. Gue pengen nganterin ke airport karena belum puas supply cerita-cerita birahi. Apa daya Tomang sudah berubah menjadi samudera, mobil-mobil pun berlabuh frustasi di depan Central Park. Tak terlihat tanda-tanda melaju. Akhirnya aku harus cukup puas dihibur dengan SMS-SMS nakalnya.
Gue terjebak di apartemen The Never Horny Girl.
Haruskah gue nginep di sini? Takut pinjem gulingnya setelah mengumbar cerita cintaku dengan guling.
“Lo gak akan masturbasi depan gue kan?” kata dia sambil melempar guling.
Gue gak jawab, pura-pura terhanyut dengan SMS-SMS dari Kalimantan yang masih tetap nakal.
Him: “Lo gak diapa-apain kan nginep di tempat dia?”
Me in her biggest T-shirt and her basket short who looks more like tights on me. Really not a perfect lesbian scene.
Me: “Pengen gue apa-apain sih. Tapi sayang ah. Mending gue piara jadi temen.”
Ntar siapa lagi yang bayarin gue sushi tei?
Him: “Ih gue kirain lo yang bakal dimangsa. Doi kan bilang ga horny ama cowo. Ga bilang gak horny ama cewe.”
Me: “Hahahaha lo percaya gak tuh ama dia? Masa sih ada orang gak pernah horny?”
Him: “Gue percaya ada banyak possibilities. Tapi berhubung gue suka sex, gue gak kebayang ada orang yang gak pernah horny.”
She’s a saint./ She lies./She’s a lesbian.
Me: “Huahahaha. I can’t believe I am taking sex advice from you.”
Him: “Instictively kok. Paling gue cuma bisa bantu cari lokasi potensial doang.”
A toilet? A classroom? A hotel room? An empty apartment?
Enough sex talk for today. Not when I spent a night with a girl who watches Nat Geo and thinks everyone will go to heaven. I actually still listen to what she said at 2am, just the way I did 15 hours before.
Gue tidur di sofa. Menghindari kemungkinan-kemungkinan terburuk. No more free sushi tei.
Saat matahari mulai mengintip, saat Samudera Tomang tak lagi pasang, aku mulai berlayar dengan mobilku, kembali ke Rawamangun.
Apa daya mobilku dihalangi mobil lain yang parkir sembarangan. From some hundred cars in this parking lot, kenapa harus mobil gue yang dihalangi?
Oh God. Is this a sign? Masa gue harus balik ke atas lagi? Kasian doi lagi tidur.
So I sit there alone in my car, waiting. Listening to nothing but silence. Smelling nothing but her smell.
Sniff sniff.
Oh no. It’s me.
Now I smell like her.
Damn.
Sabtu, 23 Oktober 2010
Walking in M*mbhis
Tuhan, hari ini gue mau ML.
But before that, let’s have a look of some Abbas Kiarostami first.
Juliestte Binoche was driving.
You are on top of me. Or should I get on top?
Juliette Binoche ordered a coffee.
Mending lampunya diidupin atau nggak ya? Aduh malu badan gue ndut. Tapi kan gue pengen liat badan lo.
Juliette Binoche put her earings on.
Apa mandi dulu ya? Males banget ngejilatin badan lo kalau keringetan.
Juliette Binoche do whatever.
What are you doing? He is not a sex object.
No more Juliette Binoche. I was opening up your button one by one cause I like your blue shirt. That looks nice on you. But I’ll rip your white T shirt.
It’s your punishment for having an irresistable torso.
Credit title.
What? Is it over?
“What did you see?” tanya seorang teman di luar bioskop.
Damn. I don’t remember.
He looked at me sharp. Gossip alert is on.
“I met this guy. He gave me his number.“
He replied with a very kinky ooohhh.
“He’s kinda cute.”
A more kinky oooohhh.
“ Should I enjoy myself or should I be a good girl?”
No more kinky oooohhh.
“I think you should just chill out.”
“Chill out?”
“Yeah, take it easy.”
5 nights in Waikiki. A room all by myself. Nobody knows me. A perfect pause from my life. What happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii.
And there he is. My Hawaiian fantasy. His eyes seem hurt, but who cares about eyes when you have a torso like his?
Monyet. Harusnya gue bilang iya aja kemaren pas dia ngajakin jalan. Daripada pura-pura ada acara, padahal gue balik ke kamar sendirian. Jadinya sesi Abbas Kiarostami gue gak dihantui nafsu-nafsu gentayangan.
He said, “My x girlfriend is Malaysian.”
I heard, “I might not be able to tell the difference between Indonesian and Malaysian, but you will not hate me cause you are actually my type. ”
He asked, “Are you Christian?”
Man! I am tonight.
No. Not tonight. Let’s make it tomorrow night. Malam ini gue mau pura-pura ada acara, pulang ke kamar hotel, checking at myself naked in the mirror.
Ok. Fat here and there . But I can still hope you will find me semok instead.
Check baby check celana dalam. Shoot! Tuh kan! Ada yang bolong. Untung tadi gue gak bilang iya.
Goodbye, bolong panties. You feel good on me but I need to have another kind of good on me.
I put another undewear on. Great. No bulu-bulu liar nyembul from it. Perfecto.
BH, checked.
Ketek, checked.
Hati nurani... checked?
I stand here, naked, looking at myself in the mirror, knowing I am about to make the biggest mistake in my life.
Tuhan, can he be my biggest mistake, please?
But before that, let’s have a look of some Abbas Kiarostami first.
Juliestte Binoche was driving.
You are on top of me. Or should I get on top?
Juliette Binoche ordered a coffee.
Mending lampunya diidupin atau nggak ya? Aduh malu badan gue ndut. Tapi kan gue pengen liat badan lo.
Juliette Binoche put her earings on.
Apa mandi dulu ya? Males banget ngejilatin badan lo kalau keringetan.
Juliette Binoche do whatever.
What are you doing? He is not a sex object.
No more Juliette Binoche. I was opening up your button one by one cause I like your blue shirt. That looks nice on you. But I’ll rip your white T shirt.
It’s your punishment for having an irresistable torso.
Credit title.
What? Is it over?
“What did you see?” tanya seorang teman di luar bioskop.
Damn. I don’t remember.
He looked at me sharp. Gossip alert is on.
“I met this guy. He gave me his number.“
He replied with a very kinky ooohhh.
“He’s kinda cute.”
A more kinky oooohhh.
“ Should I enjoy myself or should I be a good girl?”
No more kinky oooohhh.
“I think you should just chill out.”
“Chill out?”
“Yeah, take it easy.”
5 nights in Waikiki. A room all by myself. Nobody knows me. A perfect pause from my life. What happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii.
And there he is. My Hawaiian fantasy. His eyes seem hurt, but who cares about eyes when you have a torso like his?
Monyet. Harusnya gue bilang iya aja kemaren pas dia ngajakin jalan. Daripada pura-pura ada acara, padahal gue balik ke kamar sendirian. Jadinya sesi Abbas Kiarostami gue gak dihantui nafsu-nafsu gentayangan.
He said, “My x girlfriend is Malaysian.”
I heard, “I might not be able to tell the difference between Indonesian and Malaysian, but you will not hate me cause you are actually my type. ”
He asked, “Are you Christian?”
Man! I am tonight.
No. Not tonight. Let’s make it tomorrow night. Malam ini gue mau pura-pura ada acara, pulang ke kamar hotel, checking at myself naked in the mirror.
Ok. Fat here and there . But I can still hope you will find me semok instead.
Check baby check celana dalam. Shoot! Tuh kan! Ada yang bolong. Untung tadi gue gak bilang iya.
Goodbye, bolong panties. You feel good on me but I need to have another kind of good on me.
I put another undewear on. Great. No bulu-bulu liar nyembul from it. Perfecto.
BH, checked.
Ketek, checked.
Hati nurani... checked?
I stand here, naked, looking at myself in the mirror, knowing I am about to make the biggest mistake in my life.
Tuhan, can he be my biggest mistake, please?
Kamis, 14 Oktober 2010
Curhat-Curhat Hujan
Jakarta di kala hujan. More macet-macetan. More time memandang hujan. More time curhat-curhatan.
Jakarta di kala hujan telah menjadi ajang bongkar muatan hati beberapa manusia yang terjebak berdua di mobil hitamku.
Seorang istri yang hampir diceraikan suami karena digosipin threesome lesbian.
Seorang feminis yang menolak menikah.
Seorang hetero gagal yang ditinggal berondongnya.
Episode hari ini: seorang homo patah hati. Sahabat gue sendiri.
Gue baru sadar. Ternyata gue buta. Semua bukti sudah mengarahkan kalau dia homo tapi gue gak pernah percaya.
"Kan orang-orang udah bilang ama lo. Kenapa lo harus nanya lagi?" jawab dia lemah setelah dua kali gue menanyakan dia homo atau nggak.
Orang-orang yang bilang lo homo menganggap semua orang homo. Bahkan Bung Hatta dan Tan Malaka pun homo.
"Gue pernah tinggal dua tahun di apartemen dia."
Gue baru sadar ternyata gue buta dan tuli.
"Itil! Dia bilang dia top. Top my ass. Gue ewe juga dia ngelenguh keenakan."
I always thought that he is a little boy who knows nothing about the world. He had me at ewe: I am the little boy who knows nothing about the world.
He asks me to Adam Lambert concert and I still think he's straight. Bahkan orang buta tuli pun akan sadar dia gay. I guess I am not a very good observer after all.
"Gue gak bisa ngaceng ama cewe. Udah gue tepuk-tepuk gak bisa," katanya.
"Even ama dia?" kata gue menunjuk seorang cewe berbibir seksi di layar HP-nya.
Dia menggeleng, mengakhiri semua hipotesis gue kalau kita semua basically bisexual. Gue memulai hipotesis baru. Mungkinkah ini akibat nurture, not nature?
"Gue udah tahu gue gay sejak gue umur 7 tahun," katanya disambung cerita tentang pegawai toko mamanya. Mamanya menyuruh dia menggendong anaknya ke lantai dua.
Lelaki berdada bidang, berkeringat, dan bertelanjang dada.
Right in his arm, he knew he was gay.
Damn. I woulda been gay myself.
"Kok lo gak pernah bilang ama gue?" kata gue sedih. Terbayang hari-hari dia menghadapi patah hati sendirian. I might not be a good observer, but I can try to be a good listener.
Senyum tidak lagi menghiasi wajahnya. Dia gak masalah kalau orang-orang tahu. Dia mau aja disuruh jalan-jalan parade pake spandex gay pride. Tapi banci-banci ini mulutnya kejam. Dia nggak pengen emaknya sampai tahu.
Mama gak akan marah. Mama gak akan menghujat. Gak akan mengutuki.
Tapi mama akan sedih.
And he cannot stand a life making his mom sad. It's his Dad's part, not his.
"Lo gak usah jadi gay deh. Gak enak banget di Indonesia."
You are the second one telling me never to be gay. The other one is a UK citizen. Not Indonesian. Tetep aja nggak enak.
Mama-mama di mana pun kalian berada, your children have a heart. And they beat
faster when another heart gets closer to them.
Can you tell their heart to beat faster to someone else?
Jakarta di kala hujan telah menjadi ajang bongkar muatan hati beberapa manusia yang terjebak berdua di mobil hitamku.
Seorang istri yang hampir diceraikan suami karena digosipin threesome lesbian.
Seorang feminis yang menolak menikah.
Seorang hetero gagal yang ditinggal berondongnya.
Episode hari ini: seorang homo patah hati. Sahabat gue sendiri.
Gue baru sadar. Ternyata gue buta. Semua bukti sudah mengarahkan kalau dia homo tapi gue gak pernah percaya.
"Kan orang-orang udah bilang ama lo. Kenapa lo harus nanya lagi?" jawab dia lemah setelah dua kali gue menanyakan dia homo atau nggak.
Orang-orang yang bilang lo homo menganggap semua orang homo. Bahkan Bung Hatta dan Tan Malaka pun homo.
"Gue pernah tinggal dua tahun di apartemen dia."
Gue baru sadar ternyata gue buta dan tuli.
"Itil! Dia bilang dia top. Top my ass. Gue ewe juga dia ngelenguh keenakan."
I always thought that he is a little boy who knows nothing about the world. He had me at ewe: I am the little boy who knows nothing about the world.
He asks me to Adam Lambert concert and I still think he's straight. Bahkan orang buta tuli pun akan sadar dia gay. I guess I am not a very good observer after all.
"Gue gak bisa ngaceng ama cewe. Udah gue tepuk-tepuk gak bisa," katanya.
"Even ama dia?" kata gue menunjuk seorang cewe berbibir seksi di layar HP-nya.
Dia menggeleng, mengakhiri semua hipotesis gue kalau kita semua basically bisexual. Gue memulai hipotesis baru. Mungkinkah ini akibat nurture, not nature?
"Gue udah tahu gue gay sejak gue umur 7 tahun," katanya disambung cerita tentang pegawai toko mamanya. Mamanya menyuruh dia menggendong anaknya ke lantai dua.
Lelaki berdada bidang, berkeringat, dan bertelanjang dada.
Right in his arm, he knew he was gay.
Damn. I woulda been gay myself.
"Kok lo gak pernah bilang ama gue?" kata gue sedih. Terbayang hari-hari dia menghadapi patah hati sendirian. I might not be a good observer, but I can try to be a good listener.
Senyum tidak lagi menghiasi wajahnya. Dia gak masalah kalau orang-orang tahu. Dia mau aja disuruh jalan-jalan parade pake spandex gay pride. Tapi banci-banci ini mulutnya kejam. Dia nggak pengen emaknya sampai tahu.
Mama gak akan marah. Mama gak akan menghujat. Gak akan mengutuki.
Tapi mama akan sedih.
And he cannot stand a life making his mom sad. It's his Dad's part, not his.
"Lo gak usah jadi gay deh. Gak enak banget di Indonesia."
You are the second one telling me never to be gay. The other one is a UK citizen. Not Indonesian. Tetep aja nggak enak.
Mama-mama di mana pun kalian berada, your children have a heart. And they beat
faster when another heart gets closer to them.
Can you tell their heart to beat faster to someone else?
Demi Ucok - Cause Butet is forbidden
Drama pencarian produser belum berganti babak. Ibarat mencari jarum di jerami. Mencari lelaki Batak keren tak beristri. Mencari babi hidup di sarang Batak. Seni mencari produser dibutuhkan kesabaran tingkat Dalai yang sangat Lama.
Muda. Berkulit gelap. Dan berdada bidang. Tampaknya spesies produser jenis ini sudah keburu beristri atau bersuami. Atau keburu maen film. Akhirnya gue melebarkan kriteria gue.
Muda. Satu visi. Dan berpengalaman.
Untung gue datang ke party ini. Tadinya dah males. Seorang homo baik hati mengenalkan gue padanya.
She seems like all I need.
Muda. Satu visi. Dan berpengalaman.
Dan lesbi. Even more perfect for the movie?
We decided to meet. I just realized she is the first Indonesian lesbian I have dinner with. Temen lesbi gue biasanya Amerika atau Belgia. It is weird and exciting to see how she is just like other girls I know.
“Jadi lo nyarinya Ucok atau Butet? “ tanya doi.
“We’ll see by the end of the movie,” jawab gue pura-pura nggak ngeh dia lesbi. It is better to wait till dia bilang sendiri.
Salah satu keuntungan bikin film dengan ending ambigu adalah lo bisa mendapatkan banyak feedback. Di awal cin(T)a, gue sangat resah dengan segala macam ke-Tuhanan yang Maha-maha. After cin(T)a, I don’t get the answer but somehow it’s enough. Gue gak marah dan penasaran lagi ama Tuhan.
Sekarang gue penasaran ama gay.
I do not want Demi Ucok to be a gay movie. It is a movie about a mother and a daughter. A daughter who will never be a lesbian because all girls will end up like her mom when they're old. Rese.
But what if she gets to be friends with her Mom in the end?
I smell a sequel. Demi Niki?
Now that will sound like a gay movie.
Or not. Cause Niki can be both .
Can you really love both? Are we all basically bisexual? Is it genetic? Is it love or lust? Is it a matter of choice that we become hetero or homo?
“Emang lo bisa milih ya?” kata dia sebelum keluar mobil gue.
“We’ll see by the end of the movie,” jawab gue diplomatis tas tis tiis.
So I need to make this movie immideately so I can move on to my next episode.
Demi Ucok - Cause Butet is forbidden.
Is it?
Muda. Berkulit gelap. Dan berdada bidang. Tampaknya spesies produser jenis ini sudah keburu beristri atau bersuami. Atau keburu maen film. Akhirnya gue melebarkan kriteria gue.
Muda. Satu visi. Dan berpengalaman.
Untung gue datang ke party ini. Tadinya dah males. Seorang homo baik hati mengenalkan gue padanya.
She seems like all I need.
Muda. Satu visi. Dan berpengalaman.
Dan lesbi. Even more perfect for the movie?
We decided to meet. I just realized she is the first Indonesian lesbian I have dinner with. Temen lesbi gue biasanya Amerika atau Belgia. It is weird and exciting to see how she is just like other girls I know.
“Jadi lo nyarinya Ucok atau Butet? “ tanya doi.
“We’ll see by the end of the movie,” jawab gue pura-pura nggak ngeh dia lesbi. It is better to wait till dia bilang sendiri.
Salah satu keuntungan bikin film dengan ending ambigu adalah lo bisa mendapatkan banyak feedback. Di awal cin(T)a, gue sangat resah dengan segala macam ke-Tuhanan yang Maha-maha. After cin(T)a, I don’t get the answer but somehow it’s enough. Gue gak marah dan penasaran lagi ama Tuhan.
Sekarang gue penasaran ama gay.
I do not want Demi Ucok to be a gay movie. It is a movie about a mother and a daughter. A daughter who will never be a lesbian because all girls will end up like her mom when they're old. Rese.
But what if she gets to be friends with her Mom in the end?
I smell a sequel. Demi Niki?
Now that will sound like a gay movie.
Or not. Cause Niki can be both .
Can you really love both? Are we all basically bisexual? Is it genetic? Is it love or lust? Is it a matter of choice that we become hetero or homo?
“Emang lo bisa milih ya?” kata dia sebelum keluar mobil gue.
“We’ll see by the end of the movie,” jawab gue diplomatis tas tis tiis.
So I need to make this movie immideately so I can move on to my next episode.
Demi Ucok - Cause Butet is forbidden.
Is it?
Hula-Hula Dalam Pelahu
Hawaii, E Komo Mai!
Gue solak-solak belgembira melihat visa Amelika multiple ently 5 tahun. Tinggal menanti hali aku mendatangi pulau di mana lelaki belkulit gelap dan beldada bidang tumbuh subul di mana-mana. Rrrrrrrrrrrr.
Telbayang gue menali hula-hula dalam pelahu belsama lelaki-lelaki belbulu.
Hula-hula telusik ketika teldengal solak-solak belgembila di belakang sana.
Horrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee!!!
Mak Gondut. Bahagiakah dia anaknya pergi ke Hawaii?
Ternyata bergembira karena membayangkan Sheraton Waikiki gratisan. Mak Gondut pengen ikutan.
Gue gak jadi sorak-sorak bergembira.
Hilang sudah harapan menatap matahari terbenam bersama lelaki berdada bidang. Free flow Stella Artois. Party all night long. Ranjang besar all by myself.
Digantikan sosok Mak Gondut berkubang di balik selimut.
“Matiin dulu matahari itu. Mau tidur mami. Udah jam 8.”
Seperti terakhir kali gue ke festival film. Bangkok.
Gue ngajak Papi ikutan karena papi juga ada perlu di Bangkok. Ternyata Mak Gondut merasa diajak. Bertiga kami berangkat ke bandara walaupun jalurnya berbeda. Gue dan Papi air asia, Mak Gondut naik kelas bisnis Thai Airways. Beda kasta.
Untung semesta mengkonspirasi menyelamatkan gue dari kemaluan akut ke festival ditemani emak-emak cerewet. Mak Gondut lupa bawa paspor. Gak boleh terbang. Huahahahhahahha.
Tapi semesta tak kuat lama-lama menghalangi Mak Gondut. Dua hari kemudian sepulang dari festival film, gue sudah menemukan bongkahan baru di selimut kamar hotel gue.
Mak Gondut.
Gue gak mau my festival experience direpotin emak-emak menopause yang haus tiap setengah jam.
Tapi mungkin begitu pun Mak Gondut pada saat gue kecil. Gue kecil sangat rese dan menyusahkan. Tentunya Mak Gondut juga males bawa-bawa gue, tapi tetap saja gue dibawa-bawa.
Masa sekarang gue males direpotin dia?
Terpaksa gue cari tiket Jakarta – Hawaii untuk tambahan dua orang. Sambil tari hujan semoga tiket Jakarta-Hawaii tiba-tiba mahal.
USD 2000 per orang=D
Mak Gondut gak jadi ikutan. Tapi perjuangan ini belum selesai. Semoga di hari ke dua nanti tidak ada buntelan tiba-tiba muncul di kamar hotelku.
At least I have two days before disaster came. Ayo lelaki-lelaki belbulu, mali hula-hula dalam pelahu. Kalau sampai Mak Gondut datang, kita pula-pula saja tidak tahu.
Hawaii, E Komo Mai!
Gue solak-solak belgembira melihat visa Amelika multiple ently 5 tahun. Tinggal menanti hali aku mendatangi pulau di mana lelaki belkulit gelap dan beldada bidang tumbuh subul di mana-mana. Rrrrrrrrrrrr.
Telbayang gue menali hula-hula dalam pelahu belsama lelaki-lelaki belbulu.
Hula-hula telusik ketika teldengal solak-solak belgembila di belakang sana.
Horrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeee!!!
Mak Gondut. Bahagiakah dia anaknya pergi ke Hawaii?
Ternyata bergembira karena membayangkan Sheraton Waikiki gratisan. Mak Gondut pengen ikutan.
Gue gak jadi sorak-sorak bergembira.
Hilang sudah harapan menatap matahari terbenam bersama lelaki berdada bidang. Free flow Stella Artois. Party all night long. Ranjang besar all by myself.
Digantikan sosok Mak Gondut berkubang di balik selimut.
“Matiin dulu matahari itu. Mau tidur mami. Udah jam 8.”
Seperti terakhir kali gue ke festival film. Bangkok.
Gue ngajak Papi ikutan karena papi juga ada perlu di Bangkok. Ternyata Mak Gondut merasa diajak. Bertiga kami berangkat ke bandara walaupun jalurnya berbeda. Gue dan Papi air asia, Mak Gondut naik kelas bisnis Thai Airways. Beda kasta.
Untung semesta mengkonspirasi menyelamatkan gue dari kemaluan akut ke festival ditemani emak-emak cerewet. Mak Gondut lupa bawa paspor. Gak boleh terbang. Huahahahhahahha.
Tapi semesta tak kuat lama-lama menghalangi Mak Gondut. Dua hari kemudian sepulang dari festival film, gue sudah menemukan bongkahan baru di selimut kamar hotel gue.
Mak Gondut.
Gue gak mau my festival experience direpotin emak-emak menopause yang haus tiap setengah jam.
Tapi mungkin begitu pun Mak Gondut pada saat gue kecil. Gue kecil sangat rese dan menyusahkan. Tentunya Mak Gondut juga males bawa-bawa gue, tapi tetap saja gue dibawa-bawa.
Masa sekarang gue males direpotin dia?
Terpaksa gue cari tiket Jakarta – Hawaii untuk tambahan dua orang. Sambil tari hujan semoga tiket Jakarta-Hawaii tiba-tiba mahal.
USD 2000 per orang=D
Mak Gondut gak jadi ikutan. Tapi perjuangan ini belum selesai. Semoga di hari ke dua nanti tidak ada buntelan tiba-tiba muncul di kamar hotelku.
At least I have two days before disaster came. Ayo lelaki-lelaki belbulu, mali hula-hula dalam pelahu. Kalau sampai Mak Gondut datang, kita pula-pula saja tidak tahu.
Hawaii, E Komo Mai!
Rabu, 13 Oktober 2010
Film Pertamaku
Layar besar di tengah-tengah lapangan basket.
Sound system gratisan dari perusahaan rokok.
Mahasiswa-mahasiswa duduk di tanah, mengisi liburan.
Menonton film yang baru jadi setengah jam sebelum pemutaran.
Gue di sana di antara penonton, menyaksikan film pertama gue.
Penonton bertepuk tangan di antara lirih lagu Silent Sun mengakhiri film.
"Gambarnya bagus," kata mas-mas pacaran di sebelah gue pada kekasihnya.
Langsung terdiam setelah salah seorang teman berlari memeluk gue sambil menyelamati.
Ternyata yang di sebelah tadi yang bikin filmnya. Untung gak ngomongin yang jelek-jelek.
"Abis nonton film lo, gue udah gak konsen lagi nonton film lain," kata teman lain.
Gue euphoria.
6 tahun kemudian, gue nonton lagi dan menyadari betapa cupunya filmku. Tempo acak-acakan. Logika berantakan. Tapi euphoria itu belum juga hilang. Euphoria itu terus menggoda. How can you live another life knowing the ecstasy of moviemaking?
Gue resign dan bikin film. The best choice I ever made.
Apa yang membuat gue euphoria? Bukan tepuk tangan dan bukan pujian.
The silence.
The absence of comments.
Keheningan di sebuah lapangan basket yang tadinya hiruk pikuk. Only a few second of silence. It was enough to change my life.
I had no idea what movie is. I had no idea what a screenplay is. I didn't bother to find out what imaginary line was. But I knew I wanted to spend my lifetime telling stories.
Karenanya hari ini gue mengubah kurikulum mengajar gue. No more rule of third. No more script. No more scene analysis.
Go grab your camera and feel the silence, kid.
Your silence.
If you can have it, then I will have no more things to teach.
Welcome to the world of filmmaking.
"Moviemaking! Film ya harus pake film!!!"
Yeah. Whatever. Only those who never felt the silence would give a damn.
Sound system gratisan dari perusahaan rokok.
Mahasiswa-mahasiswa duduk di tanah, mengisi liburan.
Menonton film yang baru jadi setengah jam sebelum pemutaran.
Gue di sana di antara penonton, menyaksikan film pertama gue.
Penonton bertepuk tangan di antara lirih lagu Silent Sun mengakhiri film.
"Gambarnya bagus," kata mas-mas pacaran di sebelah gue pada kekasihnya.
Langsung terdiam setelah salah seorang teman berlari memeluk gue sambil menyelamati.
Ternyata yang di sebelah tadi yang bikin filmnya. Untung gak ngomongin yang jelek-jelek.
"Abis nonton film lo, gue udah gak konsen lagi nonton film lain," kata teman lain.
Gue euphoria.
6 tahun kemudian, gue nonton lagi dan menyadari betapa cupunya filmku. Tempo acak-acakan. Logika berantakan. Tapi euphoria itu belum juga hilang. Euphoria itu terus menggoda. How can you live another life knowing the ecstasy of moviemaking?
Gue resign dan bikin film. The best choice I ever made.
Apa yang membuat gue euphoria? Bukan tepuk tangan dan bukan pujian.
The silence.
The absence of comments.
Keheningan di sebuah lapangan basket yang tadinya hiruk pikuk. Only a few second of silence. It was enough to change my life.
I had no idea what movie is. I had no idea what a screenplay is. I didn't bother to find out what imaginary line was. But I knew I wanted to spend my lifetime telling stories.
Karenanya hari ini gue mengubah kurikulum mengajar gue. No more rule of third. No more script. No more scene analysis.
Go grab your camera and feel the silence, kid.
Your silence.
If you can have it, then I will have no more things to teach.
Welcome to the world of filmmaking.
"Moviemaking! Film ya harus pake film!!!"
Yeah. Whatever. Only those who never felt the silence would give a damn.
Kado Untuk Kak Ria
Gue menelusuri sebuah mall yang mengaku terbesar di Asia Tenggara. Nothing in this supermall worth giving.
What should you give to someone who has everything?
No. She doesn’t have everything. She doesn’t have a baby after 10 years of marriage.
But she still smiles like she has everything.
Mungkin gue sebaiknya ke Raffles Hospital, beli satu voucher IVF untuk dia. But I don’t have 100 juta.
So I came there with nothing .
“Happy birthday, Kak Ria.”
And she still smiles like she has everything.
What should you give to someone who has everything?
No. She doesn’t have everything. She doesn’t have a baby after 10 years of marriage.
But she still smiles like she has everything.
Mungkin gue sebaiknya ke Raffles Hospital, beli satu voucher IVF untuk dia. But I don’t have 100 juta.
So I came there with nothing .
“Happy birthday, Kak Ria.”
And she still smiles like she has everything.
Sampah Otak
14 days without writing.
I have so many things to write. But this fear keeps shouting: "You are not Oscar Wilde. We don't need your crap."
Padahal semakin gue gak nulis, semakin bertumpuk sampah di otak ini. Sampah yang gak dibuang sehari aja sudah siap diincar tikus-tikus lapar untuk digerogoti, apalagi pikiranku: the home of my lonely restless soul.
No wonder 2 minggu ini gue dihantui keinginan-keinginan tak sampai. Cinta tak sampai. Film tak sampai. Sampai nyetir pun tak sampai-sampai karena Jakarta semakin hari semakin merayap. Solusi si kumis hanya menaikkan tarif parkir 5 kali lipat tanpa menghadiahi kami MRT.
Andaikan mereka baca kaskus. Infrastruktur transportasi se-Jakarta dapat diperbaiki seandainya mereka gak jadi membangun gedung baru yang melengkung indah dan katanya akan menaikkan gengsi negara kita di mata dunia.
Untuk apa menaikkan gengsi di mata dunia kalau kalian tak lagi dihormati rakyat sendiri?
Andai saja kalian baca kaskus, mungkin gak akan bikin gedung melengkung. Gak perlu juga study banding jauh-jauh ke Afrika Selatan. Just google it, and the world is yours.
But you just don't care, do you?
Spechless.
Rakyat kaya apa yang memilih mereka jadi wakilnya?
Rakyat kaya gua tentunya. Yang kalau sampai kepilih jadi legislatif pun mungkin akan tergoda jalan-jalan ke Afrika.
Enough blaming others. Let's blame me. Happiness is in me, right? Change me and the world will change with me. Mungkin ini cuma pengaruh sampah otak yang tak dibersihkan 2 minggu. Membuat gue lebih sensitif. Lebih curiga.
Gue ingin berpikir positif. Kaya Jason Mraz.
Beusaha berpikir positif terus menerus membuat gue semakin negatif.
Jason Mraz tinggal di negara yang pemimpinnya ngurusin warganya (walau bikin sengsara negara lain) Tak heran Jason bisa nyanyi-nyanyi bahagia dan bersenandung indahnya dunia. Kapolrinya gak terang-terangan mendukung ormas barbar untuk menertibkan rakyatnya.
Who do you think we are, Mister?
I need to blame someone. I need to justify this confusion.
Or maybe I just need to write. Write like nobody reading. Write and write. Cause only words last long after we are all gone.
Pada mulanya adalah firman. Pada akhirnya adalah firman.
Or as Oscar Wilde said: "some things are beautiful because it doesn't last."
Shut up. You are not Oscar Wilde.
Don't believe everything he said. He doesn't.
I have so many things to write. But this fear keeps shouting: "You are not Oscar Wilde. We don't need your crap."
Padahal semakin gue gak nulis, semakin bertumpuk sampah di otak ini. Sampah yang gak dibuang sehari aja sudah siap diincar tikus-tikus lapar untuk digerogoti, apalagi pikiranku: the home of my lonely restless soul.
No wonder 2 minggu ini gue dihantui keinginan-keinginan tak sampai. Cinta tak sampai. Film tak sampai. Sampai nyetir pun tak sampai-sampai karena Jakarta semakin hari semakin merayap. Solusi si kumis hanya menaikkan tarif parkir 5 kali lipat tanpa menghadiahi kami MRT.
Andaikan mereka baca kaskus. Infrastruktur transportasi se-Jakarta dapat diperbaiki seandainya mereka gak jadi membangun gedung baru yang melengkung indah dan katanya akan menaikkan gengsi negara kita di mata dunia.
Untuk apa menaikkan gengsi di mata dunia kalau kalian tak lagi dihormati rakyat sendiri?
Andai saja kalian baca kaskus, mungkin gak akan bikin gedung melengkung. Gak perlu juga study banding jauh-jauh ke Afrika Selatan. Just google it, and the world is yours.
But you just don't care, do you?
Spechless.
Rakyat kaya apa yang memilih mereka jadi wakilnya?
Rakyat kaya gua tentunya. Yang kalau sampai kepilih jadi legislatif pun mungkin akan tergoda jalan-jalan ke Afrika.
Enough blaming others. Let's blame me. Happiness is in me, right? Change me and the world will change with me. Mungkin ini cuma pengaruh sampah otak yang tak dibersihkan 2 minggu. Membuat gue lebih sensitif. Lebih curiga.
Gue ingin berpikir positif. Kaya Jason Mraz.
Beusaha berpikir positif terus menerus membuat gue semakin negatif.
Jason Mraz tinggal di negara yang pemimpinnya ngurusin warganya (walau bikin sengsara negara lain) Tak heran Jason bisa nyanyi-nyanyi bahagia dan bersenandung indahnya dunia. Kapolrinya gak terang-terangan mendukung ormas barbar untuk menertibkan rakyatnya.
Who do you think we are, Mister?
I need to blame someone. I need to justify this confusion.
Or maybe I just need to write. Write like nobody reading. Write and write. Cause only words last long after we are all gone.
Pada mulanya adalah firman. Pada akhirnya adalah firman.
Or as Oscar Wilde said: "some things are beautiful because it doesn't last."
Shut up. You are not Oscar Wilde.
Don't believe everything he said. He doesn't.
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