I V F

“Rabu ini telur gue ditanem,” kata ping ping YM yang muncul di BB gue.

Gue diem. Gak jawab. Teringat tiga tahun lalu. Saat pertama kali dia bayi tabung.

The awkward silence. The silent tears in the bathroom. The air of disappointment after a failed IVF.

Noooo! Gak usah tanem lagi. Mending kaya gini aja.

Mending gue aja diangkat jadi anak. Aku anak sehat. Tubuhku kuat.

Gak pake nangis-nangis.

“Great! Ntar gue tari hujan deh biar jadinya kembar tiga,” ketik ping ping YM, walau hati gue berkata beda.

Mungkin bukan the awkward silence, the silent tears, atau the air of disappointment yang menakutkan gue.

Gimana kalau berhasil?

I have to share her with those 3 little brats, running around the house. She will be too busy taking care of Giselle, Samuel, and whatever. No more time for me.

She will be just like the other mothers. No more time for me.

What?

They have been waiting this kids for 10 years and I am thinking about no more time for me?

Of course they will have no more time for me.

“Telornya dua aja deh! Tiga kebanyakan. Ntar warisan gue tambah dikit,” tambah si anak durhaka di ping ping YM.

“Lo tari hujan terus ya.”

Nari? Nggak? Nari? Nggak?

God, whatever I say, don’t listen to it. They deserve a kid better than me.

Dan gue terus menari.