Love To Be Loved

‘When are u ready to be molded when you are bothered by every single rub?’

Or something like that. Kata status seorang teman. Dikutip dari Rumi or something.

‘You gotta rub me the right way’, comment gue berusaha witty sambil bergaya genie in a bottle.

Rrrr.. not that funny.

Berusaha lucu. I think that is one of my biggest problem.

No. Berusaha dicintai. That’s the core of it.

All the problem and embarassment in my life, all in the name of I try to be loved.

“I can be different because I know there will always be my parent who will always love me no matter what,” kata salah satu freak yang akhirnya berhasil dicintai the pop culture. Lady Gaga.

Aren’t you loved enough?

No! I was loved too much, it gets addictive.

Gue harus disayang guru.
Gue harus disayang mentor.
Gue harus disayang produser.
Gue harus disayang murid.

Gak tahan kalau ada yang gak suka gue. Even the most insignificant one.

This sanguine part of me is really annoying.

Even Jesus are hated. Mohamad. Bodha. Ellen de Generes. Yasmin Ahmad.

And me? This little brat is desperately trying to be loved by everybody.

‘I think everybody should like everybody,’ kata Warhol.

I don’t think so. I don’t like you.

There was a time that I was so not afraid to face any conflict. Semuanya gue ladenin.

Cape.

Sekarang gue pilih-pilih konflik.

Sangkin pilih-pilihnya, sampai gak berani berkonflik.

Trying to be sunny and bright all the time ternyata cape juga.

Maybe I should stop trying to be something.

Then I can be lady gaga.

Isn't that something?