The Girl Who Was Never Sad

She is either the happiest person in the world or the queen of denial.

I don’t wanna write about her. It makes me feel like the most ungrateful bitch in this world. I’d rather believe that humans are designed to be sad sometimes. Just like me.

“Coba describe sedih itu apa.”
“Unfulfilled passion.”
“Itu kekecewaan.”
“Lo gak sedih kalau kecewa?”
“Ya nggaklah.”

Now stay away from me, you kuntilanak.

What is life without sadness? Saat patah hati, gue seneng bisa nulis. Saat disakiti, gue seneng bisa bikin film. Kalau gak ada kesedihan, ntar gak bisa dapet piala.

“Untung gue bukan filmmaker. Jadi gak butuh sedih,” katanya.

I am glad to be sad.
I am sad to be glad.

Saat kebaktian perjamuan indah bersama keluarga, gue sedih kenapa dia gak bisa jadi keluarga. Saat ngupi-ngupi siang hari bersama another pengangguran ngaku cutradara, gue sedih kenapa gue gak bisa sekeren dia. Saat matahari jam 4 sore menembus kaca mobil dan membuatku merasa lebih cantik, gue sedih kenapa gue gak naik bus dan melewatkan begitu banyak ide cerita berjalan.

Maybe I really am an ungreateful bitch.

It is my punishment for thinking too much about myself.

Ada masa-masa di mana gue gak pernah mendoakan diri gue sendiri dan hanya mendoakan orang lain. Gue merasa menjadi orang paling beruntung di dunia.

Ada masa-masa di mana gue gak lagi mendoakan orang lain maupun diri sendiri. Isi doa gue hanya berterima kasih atas segalanya, bahkan untuk abu vulkanik dan goncangan air asinnya.

Masa-masa di mana gue percaya disaster and happiness bukan antonim. War and peace juga bukan.

Sweet old days. Ignorance really was a blessing.

Let's go to the next school of life. Where nothing goes right and nothing feels wrong.

Good times, Bad times, give me some of that.