“Gue gak suka ngewe ama laki. Sakit booo. Gue mulu yang dimasukin. Enakan ama cewe,” katanya.
Dia 100% laki-laki, tanpa kebiri tanpa silikon. Walaupun di TV seringnya jadi banci.
Tapi dia selalu jatuh cinta ama lelaki.
“Bisa gak ya kita jatuh cintanya ama cowo, nikahnya ama cowo, tapi ML ama cewe aja?”
Satu suami. Satu fuck buddy.
Dia gak mau kena HIV akibat keseringan gonta-ganti. Sudah cukup banyak penyakit menggerogotinya, menghambatnya dari menjamah lebih banyak lelaki.
Tapi ini Indonesia. Gak boleh nikah ama laki. Lebih baik pura-pura beristri sambil tetap miara laki. Sampai suatu hari, istri sadar dan gantung diri.
Mungkin dia harus nikah ama lesbi. Biar simbiosis mutualisme. Seperti kerbau dan burung jalak di buku biologi.
It’s a holy matrimony. Tak ada yang diparasiti.
Tapi siapa yang akan percaya kerbau jatuh hati pada burung jalak? Apa tak lebih baik mengaku dan pasrah dicaci maki?
In an era after ellen and ricky martin, kerbau dan burung jalak tak perlu pura-pura. They are supposed to be more confident about their feeling. But I guess this is not America.
Ini tanah Indonesia, di mana semua telah teracuni CBSA, membuat kita menjadi budak-budak dunia ke tiga yang miskin inovasi. Akibat tak kenal perasaan sendiri.
Bagai kerbau dicucuk hidung. Sorong ke kiri. Sorong ke kanan.
Tak peduli yang kita ikuti bebek. Terbuang dari kawanan kerbau.
Sorong ke kiri. Sorong ke kanan.
Yang penting ikut arus mayoritas.
Syalalalalalalalalala.
Burung jalak, mari ke mari. Sudah cukup kita pura-pura bebek.
Kamis, 10 Maret 2011
Diet!
Minggu ini gue mau makan buah doang. No more carbo.
Wait. Is that teriyaki?
Minggu ini gue mau turut kata Marie France. Jam 8 roti. Jam 12 full menu. Jam 4 yoghurt. Jam 7 protein.
Wait. Is that a Magnum?
Di tengah gurun pasir Israel, sup kacang merah aja bikin Kain tergoda. Apalagi Magnum dengan coklat belgia berlapis karamel.Ohhh aku memang wanita lemah.
Minggu ini gue boleh makan apa aja asal tanpa nasi.
Wait. Is that ikan teri? Mana afdol kalau tanpa nasi.
Setelah nasi, teri, dan magnum berenang-renang di lambung, baru aku sadarkan diri.
Di waktu dulu saaat beratku 65, aku sudah merasa orang tergendut di dunia dalam seragam abu-abu dan betis tak bercukurku.
Sekarang gue 88. Walau betis sudah bercukur, tak mampu menyangga dada melimpah dan perut gendutku.
Kenapa harus diet? 88 is totally fine. Big is beautiful.
No it’s not.
You look a lot better when you are 65.
And healthier.
Lo gak punya asuransi. You will make so many people devastated with your jantung dan koroner dan tumor dan bla bla bla lain akibat perut gendut penuh lemak dan penyakit.
Move your ass. Lo mau shooting 3 minggu? 3 minggu my ass. Jalan dikit aja lo udah capek.
Dan lo mengeluh gak punya pacar? Look at you!
What? This is the best time to get someone. Cause they will love me for me , not for my look.
Yeah. Whatever.
Do you really wanna be with anyone who don’t take care of themselves?
Lose some wight. You snore when you are fat.
Dan selulit itu juga yayyy....
Jangan lupa cukur bulu-bulu!
Yes! Yang itu juga.
Wait. Is that teriyaki?
Minggu ini gue mau turut kata Marie France. Jam 8 roti. Jam 12 full menu. Jam 4 yoghurt. Jam 7 protein.
Wait. Is that a Magnum?
Di tengah gurun pasir Israel, sup kacang merah aja bikin Kain tergoda. Apalagi Magnum dengan coklat belgia berlapis karamel.Ohhh aku memang wanita lemah.
Minggu ini gue boleh makan apa aja asal tanpa nasi.
Wait. Is that ikan teri? Mana afdol kalau tanpa nasi.
Setelah nasi, teri, dan magnum berenang-renang di lambung, baru aku sadarkan diri.
Di waktu dulu saaat beratku 65, aku sudah merasa orang tergendut di dunia dalam seragam abu-abu dan betis tak bercukurku.
Sekarang gue 88. Walau betis sudah bercukur, tak mampu menyangga dada melimpah dan perut gendutku.
Kenapa harus diet? 88 is totally fine. Big is beautiful.
No it’s not.
You look a lot better when you are 65.
And healthier.
Lo gak punya asuransi. You will make so many people devastated with your jantung dan koroner dan tumor dan bla bla bla lain akibat perut gendut penuh lemak dan penyakit.
Move your ass. Lo mau shooting 3 minggu? 3 minggu my ass. Jalan dikit aja lo udah capek.
Dan lo mengeluh gak punya pacar? Look at you!
What? This is the best time to get someone. Cause they will love me for me , not for my look.
Yeah. Whatever.
Do you really wanna be with anyone who don’t take care of themselves?
Lose some wight. You snore when you are fat.
Dan selulit itu juga yayyy....
Jangan lupa cukur bulu-bulu!
Yes! Yang itu juga.
Gak Mau Ngajar Lagi
SMS mahasiswa: Bu. Maaf ganggu sebelumny, sya mau tanya, koq nilai tugas sya d pljrn d. Cinema 0 yah, sya selalu mengkumpulkan tgsny semua. Ap sya email lg smua tgsny?
SMS dosen: Saya nggak pernah nerima tugas kamu. Saat ini nilai rata-rata kamu berapa?
Tapi sya selalu buat mau yg premis atau video dr footage. Sya ga tau jg rata2ny. Tpi msa nilai tgs sya 0, sya sudah buat n bs sya buktikan jg kl sy buat.
Nilai uts dan uas kamu berapa?
Yg uts 70an brp gt, n uas 80an
Ok. Saya bisa coba ubah nilai kamu, tapi maksimal C. Nanti saya obrolin ke BAK.
Lah, kenapa C? Seinget sya, sya yg prtma kumpul melalui email yg ke 2 sya maju ke depan dan sya copy.
Saya sudah pernah edarkan update tugas sementara dan tidak ada protes.
Wah, d edarkan kpn yah? Sya tdk pernah tau. Kl tau mah sya sudah pasti protes. Krna sya slalu mengerjakan dan mengemail k ibu smua tgs sya. Seperti yg ibu minta di dlm kelas.
The fact that you do not know this convince me more that you don’t deserve a B. Good luck with your classes. Cheers.
If u wanna fact, i can print screen my sent email to ms. Samaria. So u can see the date, time, etc. If i lie, i wont try this harder to do this. I don’t care what i get, at least u know the truth. I really have done all the work you’ve asked me.
Ya udah. Coba kirim semua filenya. I don’t promise anything and your nagging is really not impressive.
Ok, i’m sorry if that bother you. I just stand for my rights , and i want to prove what i’ve done. Btw, i’ve email my work.Thx for your time.
This is one of the reason why I hate teaching. Was it my teachers who were too strict or kids nowadays are just too spoiled?
Or is it me? Ngapain sih gue bahasa Inggris segala?
Well. He wrote better in English. No more sya.
Akhirnya gue kasih B. Males diusik.
Then maybe it is me. A good teacher won’t give out a B when he doesn’t deserve it.
SMS dosen: Saya nggak pernah nerima tugas kamu. Saat ini nilai rata-rata kamu berapa?
Tapi sya selalu buat mau yg premis atau video dr footage. Sya ga tau jg rata2ny. Tpi msa nilai tgs sya 0, sya sudah buat n bs sya buktikan jg kl sy buat.
Nilai uts dan uas kamu berapa?
Yg uts 70an brp gt, n uas 80an
Ok. Saya bisa coba ubah nilai kamu, tapi maksimal C. Nanti saya obrolin ke BAK.
Lah, kenapa C? Seinget sya, sya yg prtma kumpul melalui email yg ke 2 sya maju ke depan dan sya copy.
Saya sudah pernah edarkan update tugas sementara dan tidak ada protes.
Wah, d edarkan kpn yah? Sya tdk pernah tau. Kl tau mah sya sudah pasti protes. Krna sya slalu mengerjakan dan mengemail k ibu smua tgs sya. Seperti yg ibu minta di dlm kelas.
The fact that you do not know this convince me more that you don’t deserve a B. Good luck with your classes. Cheers.
If u wanna fact, i can print screen my sent email to ms. Samaria. So u can see the date, time, etc. If i lie, i wont try this harder to do this. I don’t care what i get, at least u know the truth. I really have done all the work you’ve asked me.
Ya udah. Coba kirim semua filenya. I don’t promise anything and your nagging is really not impressive.
Ok, i’m sorry if that bother you. I just stand for my rights , and i want to prove what i’ve done. Btw, i’ve email my work.Thx for your time.
This is one of the reason why I hate teaching. Was it my teachers who were too strict or kids nowadays are just too spoiled?
Or is it me? Ngapain sih gue bahasa Inggris segala?
Well. He wrote better in English. No more sya.
Akhirnya gue kasih B. Males diusik.
Then maybe it is me. A good teacher won’t give out a B when he doesn’t deserve it.
Geek In A Pink
I wanna be like Jason Mraz. What should I do?
Nggak makan daging. Checked.
Learn to play guitar. Checked.
Live your dream. Checked.
Keliling dunia in search of your soul. Checked.
Listen to cool music in your Ipod. Checked.
Have an amazing sex every night. Chc.......
Is that why I still look like a geek in a pink? Jason looks like the coolest guy on earth even when he sang that.
Me? Hfff...
Ok. Let’s put the sex thing on hold. Lets concentrate on the singing first.
Born and bred as a Batak, I was supposed to have a voice as divine as his.
I am not saying I am a bad singer, although Dini and Danti cannot appreciate my unique quality. Shame on them.
With the four right chords, I will sound fine. Good enough to have an album at least one before I die.
Please deh. Sm*sh aja punya.
Album rohani seems like an easy option.
But I can’t stand singing in front of a crowd merem melek memuja-Mu. I believe we can meet You without jumping like monkeys on drugs.
So should I make an album or should I just sing quietly for You every morning, trying hard not to think how good I sound.
Damn it. Untung suara gue pas-pasan. Kebayang kalau suara gue kaya bruno mars, maybe I will be out there praising myself.
No more praising You.
Nggak makan daging. Checked.
Learn to play guitar. Checked.
Live your dream. Checked.
Keliling dunia in search of your soul. Checked.
Listen to cool music in your Ipod. Checked.
Have an amazing sex every night. Chc.......
Is that why I still look like a geek in a pink? Jason looks like the coolest guy on earth even when he sang that.
Me? Hfff...
Ok. Let’s put the sex thing on hold. Lets concentrate on the singing first.
Born and bred as a Batak, I was supposed to have a voice as divine as his.
I am not saying I am a bad singer, although Dini and Danti cannot appreciate my unique quality. Shame on them.
With the four right chords, I will sound fine. Good enough to have an album at least one before I die.
Please deh. Sm*sh aja punya.
Album rohani seems like an easy option.
But I can’t stand singing in front of a crowd merem melek memuja-Mu. I believe we can meet You without jumping like monkeys on drugs.
So should I make an album or should I just sing quietly for You every morning, trying hard not to think how good I sound.
Damn it. Untung suara gue pas-pasan. Kebayang kalau suara gue kaya bruno mars, maybe I will be out there praising myself.
No more praising You.
Love To Be Loved
‘When are u ready to be molded when you are bothered by every single rub?’
Or something like that. Kata status seorang teman. Dikutip dari Rumi or something.
‘You gotta rub me the right way’, comment gue berusaha witty sambil bergaya genie in a bottle.
Rrrr.. not that funny.
Berusaha lucu. I think that is one of my biggest problem.
No. Berusaha dicintai. That’s the core of it.
All the problem and embarassment in my life, all in the name of I try to be loved.
“I can be different because I know there will always be my parent who will always love me no matter what,” kata salah satu freak yang akhirnya berhasil dicintai the pop culture. Lady Gaga.
Aren’t you loved enough?
No! I was loved too much, it gets addictive.
Gue harus disayang guru.
Gue harus disayang mentor.
Gue harus disayang produser.
Gue harus disayang murid.
Gak tahan kalau ada yang gak suka gue. Even the most insignificant one.
This sanguine part of me is really annoying.
Even Jesus are hated. Mohamad. Bodha. Ellen de Generes. Yasmin Ahmad.
And me? This little brat is desperately trying to be loved by everybody.
‘I think everybody should like everybody,’ kata Warhol.
I don’t think so. I don’t like you.
There was a time that I was so not afraid to face any conflict. Semuanya gue ladenin.
Cape.
Sekarang gue pilih-pilih konflik.
Sangkin pilih-pilihnya, sampai gak berani berkonflik.
Trying to be sunny and bright all the time ternyata cape juga.
Maybe I should stop trying to be something.
Then I can be lady gaga.
Isn't that something?
Or something like that. Kata status seorang teman. Dikutip dari Rumi or something.
‘You gotta rub me the right way’, comment gue berusaha witty sambil bergaya genie in a bottle.
Rrrr.. not that funny.
Berusaha lucu. I think that is one of my biggest problem.
No. Berusaha dicintai. That’s the core of it.
All the problem and embarassment in my life, all in the name of I try to be loved.
“I can be different because I know there will always be my parent who will always love me no matter what,” kata salah satu freak yang akhirnya berhasil dicintai the pop culture. Lady Gaga.
Aren’t you loved enough?
No! I was loved too much, it gets addictive.
Gue harus disayang guru.
Gue harus disayang mentor.
Gue harus disayang produser.
Gue harus disayang murid.
Gak tahan kalau ada yang gak suka gue. Even the most insignificant one.
This sanguine part of me is really annoying.
Even Jesus are hated. Mohamad. Bodha. Ellen de Generes. Yasmin Ahmad.
And me? This little brat is desperately trying to be loved by everybody.
‘I think everybody should like everybody,’ kata Warhol.
I don’t think so. I don’t like you.
There was a time that I was so not afraid to face any conflict. Semuanya gue ladenin.
Cape.
Sekarang gue pilih-pilih konflik.
Sangkin pilih-pilihnya, sampai gak berani berkonflik.
Trying to be sunny and bright all the time ternyata cape juga.
Maybe I should stop trying to be something.
Then I can be lady gaga.
Isn't that something?
Just Dance
Hard Rock Bali menjelang Millenium: my first clubbing.
Mereka meloncat -loncat di dance floor. Keren.
Gue ikut meloncat. Pengen ikutan keren.
Mereka menjauh. Keringatku nyemprot.
Gue tetap meloncat.
Bermodal satu gelas coca cola seharga 12 ribu, gue bisa meloncat sepanjang malam.
Jangan ditukar sekarang kupon minumnya, nanti saja kalau sudah lelah meloncat.
Dua jam kemudian aku mulai dahaga. Ayo kita tukar coca cola.
Lihat kanan kiri. Mereka sudah gak ada.
Oh ternyata mereka di atas sana. Hook up dengan si entah siapa dari Jakarta. Bukannya mereka udah punya pacar di Bandung?
Aku gak ikut bergabung. Lantai dua berarti memesan makanan sepiring dua ratus ribu. Lebih baik uangnya untuk beli coca cola besok. Masih ada 3 malam di Bali.
More loncat sampai jam 2.
Mereka lanjut entah ke mana. Mungkin kemana jamur berhembus, di situ mereka berada.
I was too kere to be high.
Singapur, 7 tahun kemudian. My last clubbing.
Kali ini gue lebih kaya. Sudah bekerja. Tidak perlu hanya beli coca cola. Tapi tetap saja belinya coca cola. Alcohol is way overrated.
Gue tidak lagi meloncat. Dance floor ini terlalu kaku. Terlalu jaim. Terlalu berusaha menjadi Amerika.
Aku goyang kanan kiri tanpa teman. Untung lampu redap redup. Gue tetap percaya diri tanpa bantuan kacamata hitam.
Bosan bergoyang, aku menepi. Melihat-lihat kamera seorang teman. Video sebuah pantat besar goyang kanan kiri.
It was hillarious.
Up until I know it was mine.
That was the reason I stop clubbing.
Mereka meloncat -loncat di dance floor. Keren.
Gue ikut meloncat. Pengen ikutan keren.
Mereka menjauh. Keringatku nyemprot.
Gue tetap meloncat.
Bermodal satu gelas coca cola seharga 12 ribu, gue bisa meloncat sepanjang malam.
Jangan ditukar sekarang kupon minumnya, nanti saja kalau sudah lelah meloncat.
Dua jam kemudian aku mulai dahaga. Ayo kita tukar coca cola.
Lihat kanan kiri. Mereka sudah gak ada.
Oh ternyata mereka di atas sana. Hook up dengan si entah siapa dari Jakarta. Bukannya mereka udah punya pacar di Bandung?
Aku gak ikut bergabung. Lantai dua berarti memesan makanan sepiring dua ratus ribu. Lebih baik uangnya untuk beli coca cola besok. Masih ada 3 malam di Bali.
More loncat sampai jam 2.
Mereka lanjut entah ke mana. Mungkin kemana jamur berhembus, di situ mereka berada.
I was too kere to be high.
Singapur, 7 tahun kemudian. My last clubbing.
Kali ini gue lebih kaya. Sudah bekerja. Tidak perlu hanya beli coca cola. Tapi tetap saja belinya coca cola. Alcohol is way overrated.
Gue tidak lagi meloncat. Dance floor ini terlalu kaku. Terlalu jaim. Terlalu berusaha menjadi Amerika.
Aku goyang kanan kiri tanpa teman. Untung lampu redap redup. Gue tetap percaya diri tanpa bantuan kacamata hitam.
Bosan bergoyang, aku menepi. Melihat-lihat kamera seorang teman. Video sebuah pantat besar goyang kanan kiri.
It was hillarious.
Up until I know it was mine.
That was the reason I stop clubbing.
Berharap N Sync
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang mendekatimu
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang menyakitimu
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang kamu tolak
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang mengganggu harimu
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang membuat kamu kapok jatuh cinta
Tapi aku bukan dia. Aku nggak akan nyakitin kamu
Andai aku seindah kamu, kita pasti sudah bersama.
Kalau nanti kamu jatuh cinta, it's gonna be me
Biar aku bisa menolak sambil joget-hoget boneka
U just miss the best thing you might get in life
But u won’t
You will get someone better
Andai kamu bodoh
But you are not
Kamu pintar
Kamu memilih dia
Ahhh... andaikan aku bisa memilih
Of course you can, katamu
Aku bisa memilih
Siapapun
Asal bukan kamu
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang menyakitimu
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang kamu tolak
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang mengganggu harimu
Kamu bercerita tentang dia yang membuat kamu kapok jatuh cinta
Tapi aku bukan dia. Aku nggak akan nyakitin kamu
Andai aku seindah kamu, kita pasti sudah bersama.
Kalau nanti kamu jatuh cinta, it's gonna be me
Biar aku bisa menolak sambil joget-hoget boneka
U just miss the best thing you might get in life
But u won’t
You will get someone better
Andai kamu bodoh
But you are not
Kamu pintar
Kamu memilih dia
Ahhh... andaikan aku bisa memilih
Of course you can, katamu
Aku bisa memilih
Siapapun
Asal bukan kamu
You were the one and you were amazing
She loved cocaine more than she loved her. She got AIDS and no way out. ‘You were the one and you were amazing’ is only a painful goodbye to the love of her life.
Gue diem.
She got the prettiest lady in town. She beat her everyday. The girlfriend tell her X. She beats her even more.
She gets another girlfriend. She beats her. She loves her. She beats her. She loves her.
Marijuana and alcohol, it was her excuse.
Where did she get all these stupid gorgeous girls?
Maybe she’s just damn good in bed.
Gue diem.
He was hurt. He does not wanna love again. He fucks everyone he can find on internet dating. Singapore. Hongkong. Australia. You name it. Now I know why he loves the gym so much.
“Tapi waktu di London enggak kok.”
He is one stupid scared little boy. Keep fooling around and he’ll regret the best thing he might get in life.
“It’s kinda hard to pick me over those amasing sex around the world,” said the best thing he might get in life.
Gue diem.
Why do You give all of the amazing people to all of the wrong people?
If they were mine, I will take care of them the best I can do. I will not say ”You were the one and you were amazing” only when I was sick and beaten up.
But I guess You are not finished with them yet, right? So I’d better stand back and watch.
And You are not finished with me.
Do You really think I do not need anyone right now? Do you think this weak self centered creature can make it by itself?
You were the one and you were amazing.
Gue diem.
She got the prettiest lady in town. She beat her everyday. The girlfriend tell her X. She beats her even more.
She gets another girlfriend. She beats her. She loves her. She beats her. She loves her.
Marijuana and alcohol, it was her excuse.
Where did she get all these stupid gorgeous girls?
Maybe she’s just damn good in bed.
Gue diem.
He was hurt. He does not wanna love again. He fucks everyone he can find on internet dating. Singapore. Hongkong. Australia. You name it. Now I know why he loves the gym so much.
“Tapi waktu di London enggak kok.”
He is one stupid scared little boy. Keep fooling around and he’ll regret the best thing he might get in life.
“It’s kinda hard to pick me over those amasing sex around the world,” said the best thing he might get in life.
Gue diem.
Why do You give all of the amazing people to all of the wrong people?
If they were mine, I will take care of them the best I can do. I will not say ”You were the one and you were amazing” only when I was sick and beaten up.
But I guess You are not finished with them yet, right? So I’d better stand back and watch.
And You are not finished with me.
Do You really think I do not need anyone right now? Do you think this weak self centered creature can make it by itself?
You were the one and you were amazing.
Rabu, 05 Januari 2011
No Glory
Oh my child
In your heart, what are you worried about?
You are here, flying high
What else would you want in life?
You will fall on your knees
Begging glory to retrieve
Will you lose your belief?
When there's no one to relieve
Don't try too hard
Dont be someone you are not
You don't have to always be right
Just keep dreaming and I'll guide you through the night
Through the dark
Through the night
Through the worst part of your heart
Throuh your fear
I'll be near
I'll give you all glory you need
Which is none
No glory
But somehow it's enough
Lagu ini tiba-tiba muncul ketika gue lagi bikin portofolio untuk melamar ke advertising agencies. Gue kira advertising adalah jalan teraman agar gue bisa bikin film. One step closer to movie making, but with steady income.
Ternyata gak dapet. And my life was a wreck... an amazing wreck.
Dan lagu ini muncul lagi pagi ini. Am I going to another wreck?
In your heart, what are you worried about?
You are here, flying high
What else would you want in life?
You will fall on your knees
Begging glory to retrieve
Will you lose your belief?
When there's no one to relieve
Don't try too hard
Dont be someone you are not
You don't have to always be right
Just keep dreaming and I'll guide you through the night
Through the dark
Through the night
Through the worst part of your heart
Throuh your fear
I'll be near
I'll give you all glory you need
Which is none
No glory
But somehow it's enough
Lagu ini tiba-tiba muncul ketika gue lagi bikin portofolio untuk melamar ke advertising agencies. Gue kira advertising adalah jalan teraman agar gue bisa bikin film. One step closer to movie making, but with steady income.
Ternyata gak dapet. And my life was a wreck... an amazing wreck.
Dan lagu ini muncul lagi pagi ini. Am I going to another wreck?
By Your Side
Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you run, child?
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Cause I love you
I want you to know
That I love you
I'll never let you go
You, through Tenth Avenue North
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you run, child?
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Cause I love you
I want you to know
That I love you
I'll never let you go
You, through Tenth Avenue North
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