Tujuh Ciuman Mematikan

From fish kiss to dragon kiss – this is where people of all ages and genders who want to learn how to kiss can find out (almost) everything about the no-no’s of the face fuck. Two willing and able male trainees demonstrate the first seven deadly kisses for any relationship …


Setelah gagal menyutradarai adegan ciuman di film perdananya, cin(T)a, sutradara Sammaria Simanjuntak kembali mencoba membuat film yang isinya ciuman dari awal sampai akhir. Film ini hanya akan beredar di luar Indonesia karena Sammaria Simanjuntak merasa orang Indonesia sudah jago-jago ciuman dan gak perlu diajari lagi.

Untuk yang ingin belajar jenis-jenis ciuman yang membuat wanita hilang gairah, silakan datang ke Berlinale Film Festival di hari Valentine ini.

lin ma pau

Mak Gondut fitting baju maung, kali ini karakternya lebih seksi. No more ibu rumah tangga 'demi ucok'. Mak Gondut siap bertransformasi jadi mantan Bond Girl dengan dada tumpah ruah yang siap menyilaukan para produser hongkong.

"kayanya kurang bh di luar.cobain tambahin deh. pake punya gue aja" sabda sutradara.

Kekecilan.

"Ya udah pinjem punya atid aja deh. kan gede tuh."

Gak ada yang bermotif.

"Apaaa? Atid gak punya BH bermotif? !?!#? Pokonya di hongkong kita harus ke la perla," sabda sutradara.

Tapi mak gondut tentunya punya. lengkap dengan motif macan dan mutiara. Siap eksis di sebelah Gong Li.

"Nama Mak Gondut jadi Lin Ma Pau aja... biar menjual di hongkong."

Gong Li, watch out. Lin Ma Pau is stealing the show.

capek mengeluh

jadi mau sampai kapan lo mau kaya gini?

sampai lo tua and gak laku-laku? waktu gak bakal nunggu lo, sayang. Banyak yang lain yang dengan senang hati jadi lo.

Lo gak bosen ya nyanyi lagu mendayu-dayu? Minjem lirik orang buat bilang sayang? Bahkan lo gak bikin lirik lo sendiri. Katanya mau jadi penulis?

Lo gak capek mengeluh? Berasa masalah lo paling berat sedunia? Lo tau buruh2 demo di jalan tol buat apa? dua ratus ribu , neng.

Katanya lo orang pintar dengan otak bersinar. mana? mana? emang cuma butuh semangat, bukan pintar.

ini saatnya perang, biar setan dibungkam.

hari ini, bahagialah dengan jatah yang udah diberikan buat lo. paling besok semua kiamat. gak ada yang peduli lo mau jadi apa.

tenang. gak usah ngotot. lo ga akan menang juga. ujung-ujungnya semua debu.

but you know what?

Somehow it's enough.

boringly ever after

get married, forget your dream, and live boringly ever after.

"Jadi menurut lo hidup papi mami lo boring? kakak lo boring? gue boring?"

Ini kan film komedi. kok jadi berat gini sih?

"Kelihatannya ringan, tapi sebenernya film ini dalem banget. Ini tuh masalah kita banget. kawin atau ngejar mimpi."

Yang dipersatukan Tuhan bisa dipisahkan Pengadilan Negeri. Kenapa kita harus kawin?

"Dia bukan buat lo. Kalaupun dia cerai, dia gak boleh nikah lagi ama lo."

Nikah itu pilihan, tauk. Siapa bilang harus?

"Gue lihat sih yang udah nikah emang bisa lebih dipegang n lebih fokus, lebih tahu tujuan hidupnya."

Mami bukannya jadi artis, malah kawin. Cari aman. Gue mau ngejar mimpi.

"Nikah itu ya salah satu cara generasi orang tua kita untuk make sure anaknya survive."

Get married. Live for others. And live happily ever after.

"Gimana lo mau bikin orang lain bahagia kalau lo sendiri gak bahagia?"

Cuma ada dua alasan orang dalam hidup. Takut atau cinta. Kalau takut udah pasti salah jalan.

"Gue cinta ama lo, Tid."

Gue takut.

"Gue takut."

Tinggal pun kau masih sama mami.

"Udah gendut, gembel pula. Paling ntar lo phone banking ama gue."

The key to success is: be nice to your parent.

"Be careful what you write. It will come back to haunt you."

tears

I start a day with tears.

"Gue suka banget Demi Ucok. Jujur kalau cin(T)a sih menurut gue kurang, tapi yang ini suka banget. kaya nonton orang pinter tapi dengan cara yang bodoh."

"Itu kita simpen jadi plan z aja ya tid. Tenang aja ya tid. Gue yakin kita pasti dapet 10ribu coPro."

"Gak usah ke surya paloh deh. Kita pasti bisa kok, pelan-pelan."

"Sinopsis kita kecanggihan sih. Gue mah kalo ditanya bilang aja ini film ttg anak dipaksa kawin tapi gak mau karena mau ngejar mimpi. eh temen gue langsung 'ihhhh gue banget' semua"

"Mak Gondut tuh magnet banget tid. kok lo gak pernah explore dia sih?"

"Karena gue suka filmnya, Tid. Gue gak ngerasa kaya MLM kok."

I thought I was strong. Dan Demi Ucok bisa jalan karena gue. Gue dan kemauan keras gue yang menggerakkan ini semua. The whole universe is conspiring to help me.

I was wrong.

When I am weak and disgusting, they are all still going strong.

And stronger...

And wiser.

So I end today with tears.

A different kind of tears.

back home

i'm back.

broken yet stronger.
defeated yet grateful.

how do you sell a movie when you feel unworthy?

moviemaking is like selling your soul. when you have nothing to offer but guilt and a bit of last breath, how are u gonna stand up to people and tell them to come?

it's not about you, honey.

what?

it's not about you. so stand up and cut the nonsense. you have a movie to finish.

but it is about me. who would ever want to see me?

it's not you. it's themselves they will see.

still i feel unworthy.

you are.

then why would they see the movie?

because it's not about you. it's about us. our fear. our love. our loss. our dream.

I still feel unworthy. I'm broken.

but you are still alive, with your hand and feet. now stand up and type.

what should i type?

anything but this unworthy shit.

promise me it won't be about me?

it's not about you.

i love you.

yeah yeah yeah.... now shut up and type. no drama for february. we have a lot of things to do.

i love you.

*sigh... i love you more.

Lagu Sendu

Orang yang menyanyikan nyanyian untuk hati yang sedih
adalah seperti orang yang menanggalkan baju di musim dingin
dan seperti cuka pada luka

Jadi di hari tanpa nada ini
Mari kita nikmati luka
Bersama tawa dan sedikit air mata
Biarkan waktu pelan-pelan menutupnya

Dan jika suatu hari nanti ia kembali menganga
Lihat langit dan syukuri sinarnya

I'm yours.

You Love Me More

Take me back in the heart I love
I need You like I did before
Touch me once again
And remember when
There was no one that I wanted more

I won't go
I know I'll break Your heart
She won't love me like You will
You're the one who'll stay
When she walks away
And I know You'll be standing here still

You'll be waiting for me
Here inside my heart
You're the one who wants to love me more
I will see You can give me
Everything I need
Let me be the one to love You more

I see You as if I never knew
Hold me so I can't let go
I believe in You
You will make me see
All the things that my heart needs to know

And some way all the love that we had can be saved
Whatever it takes we'll find a way

Curious Grandmas - The Murder Of Annet Van Houten

INTRODUCTION
A throwback to the old school Agatha Christie-inspired whodunits of the 60’s and 70’s, Curious Grandmas: The Murder of Annet Van Houten is an attempt to appeal to older audiences by giving them a classic mystery story cast with older actors and celebrities, while appealing to younger audiences by serving up a red hot slice of cheesy, over-the-top kitsch in the spirit of Francois Ozon’s 8 Women.

SYNOPSIS
Four fabulous grandmas, sans husbands, decide to celebrate New Year’s Eve on a resort. Their plan to party hearty is cut short by the mysterious death of the hotel owner, the legendary socialite, Annet Van Houten, whose corpse is found floating in the pool. Her family claims it is a suicide, but our curious grandmas adore gossip and they are convinced she was murdered. They decide to uncover the truth behind Annet’s death using every means at their disposal: pills, hairpins, stockings and even their own friendship. And they have to uncover the identity of the killer before he (or she) strikes again!

THE SLEUTHS
SUZANNE - a has-been international celebrity (and former Bond Girl) who wants her fame back. She is now a telemarketer for anti-aging beauty products.

LESLIE - a restaurant tycoon and closeted lesbian. She is still in love with Suzanne and plans to confess her passion on this vacation.

CONNIE - naïve, clueless and a hypochondriac, her daughter (and the other grandmas) are convinced she is ready for a nursing home.

ANNA MAE - a bereaved widow who turned to a new age religion called The Light to deal with her grief. Her mission is to convert all of her friends to her new religion.


"Mak Gondut kayanya yang paling gede sex appeal-nya deh," kata Lucky memutuskan mak gue yang akan jadi the former Bond Girl.

Gue ternganga, membayangkan emak gue topless tertutup selimut, di sebelah Rio Dewanto bertelanjang dada.

"Pokoknya mami pasti serius," kata Mak Gondut semangat. Belum tahu dia adegan apa yang menantinya. Bisa-bisa shocked.

Atau malah semangat?

Next year... oma-oma kepo will solve the mistery of the murder of Annet Van Heuten.

Hebring.

Valentine 2012

One of my short is invited to be the opening movie of a director known for its black lesbian theme.

So this Valentine, I will be in Berlin, in a theater full of cool and sophisticated women interested in each other.

My first big festival.

My first gay movie. The one I will never publish in Indonesia.

God, I do not know if I have to be grateful or fearful. This could be a beginning of the honest and passionate life I have been longing to. My first step to the real movie world, with the partner I can share the fear and the passion with.

Or will it be the beginning of another painful drama?

Or both.

I went through their website, looking at the beautiful and sophisticated women making movies, bravely discussing their view. Some are just like guys. Some have too many earrings. Some has too less hair. Some are just plain gorgeous. Some are beautiful and edgy. Some are way too edgy.

"You will have so much fun at the Teddy party."

Teddy party. The biggest after party for LGBT filmmakers. Who do you wanna get laid with?

I don't wanna get laid. I wanna have a loving and faithful relationship. Di dekatnya aku lebih tenang. Bersamanya jalan lebih terang. That kind of relationship.

"Yeah. Wait until you have an orgasm." he said, moaning.

A naive church girl coming straight from the third world country, what will happen to you?

For better or worse... Berlin, here I am.

So help me, God.